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The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 1
Traffic congestion has become one of the most severe problems in cities around the world. Some people believe that, the only approach to minimize the traffic is to decrease the necessity for individuals travelling to work, university or shop from home. However, I will support this view with arguments in the following paragraph. It is often said that, the ever-increasing of vehicles on the roads may cause acute traffic calamities and pollution. This is evident in the rush hour we experience choking traffic every morning and evening since many people go to their destinations using the transport. As we know, people can work from home; even they can do anything, such as, study and shopping using the internet. For instance, when the technology has developed majority of people can do online work, distance learning, and shopping facilities are available online. This certainly helps us to reduce traffic problems on roads, which could diminish pollution, accident, and also save our travel time. As there have many other solutions, namely, evacuate citizens to different regions and infrastructural development of roads, but these solutions have many limitations. So I think that, the above solution would be a viable one for this problem. Nevertheless, even if everyone had access to the technology and the opportunity to work from home, it is unrealistic to think that everyone would want. Even though technology for working, studying or shopping on online makes this option a possibility, on the one hand it would mean people had less freedom of choice and less social contact in their lives. This would have astronomical impact on society. In conclusion, although, majority of people are benefited by working, studying or shopping from home so that people should support the idea to do things from home using internet which not only reduce congestion but also develop people’s way of living.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Traffic
congestion has become one of the most severe problems in cities around the world.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
approach to minimize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
is to decrease the necessity for individuals travelling to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, university or shop from home.
However
, I will support this view with arguments in the following paragraph.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
said that, the ever-increasing of vehicles on the roads may cause acute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
calamities and pollution. This is evident in the rush hour we experience choking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
every morning and evening since
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
go to their destinations using the transport. As we know,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home; even they can do anything, such as, study and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
using the internet.
For instance
, when the technology has developed
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can do online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, distance learning, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
facilities are available online. This
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
problems on roads, which could diminish pollution, accident, and
also
save our travel time. As there have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other solutions,
namely
, evacuate citizens to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
regions and infrastructural development of roads,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these solutions have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
limitations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that, the above solution would be a viable one for this problem.

Nevertheless
, even if everyone had access to the technology and the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
from home, it is unrealistic to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that everyone would want.
Even though
technology for working, studying or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on online
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
this option a possibility, on the one hand it would mean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had less freedom of choice and less social contact in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. This would have astronomical impact on society.

In conclusion
, although,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are benefited
by working, studying or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
from home
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to do things from home using internet which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
congestion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
way of living.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, education or shopping. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
307 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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