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The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? v.1

The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. with this statement? v. 1
The highways are becoming more dangerous. Hence, it is commonly considered that enforcing a harsher punishment for individuals that break traffic rules is the sole means of making our highways safer. In my opinion, I completely support this notion because doing this would distract and get these miscreants off the roads. To begin, discouraging of traffic offenders is my first reason to be considered on why this statement is supported. To put simply, the greater the repercussion for an action, the more people avoid doing that act. For example, research has shown that the fear of capital punishment has discouraged prospective murderers. Similarly, if road punishments are harsher, then traffic rules would be less broken. Evidently, it can be seen that reprimanding more people for committing lesser road offences has a discouraging effect. Not only this but, having a harsher penalty can get these rule breakers off the highway thereby make road transport safer. To elaborate, creating a rule where a driver's license or a vehicle would be seized for break minute traffic laws would ensure that road law breakers would no longer be on our roads. For instance, criminals are being jailed for their crimes. Thus, more and more criminals are removed from the society each day. So if this penalty is implemented for driving, then they would be a thing of the past. As a result, our roads become safer. In all, it is apparent that stricter penalties can remove criminals from our roads. To conclude, the effects of increasing the severity of punishments for traffic law breakers cannot be overemphasized. As such, by discouraging would be offenders and kicking out current ones, our roads are made less dangerous. Unless stronger penalties are enforced, our roads would remain unsafe
The highways are becoming more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
.
Hence
, it is
commonly
considered that enforcing a harsher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
for individuals that break
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
is the sole means of making our highways safer. In my opinion, I completely support this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
doing this would distract and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these miscreants off the roads.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
, discouraging of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
offenders is my
first
reason to
be considered
on why this statement
is supported
. To put
simply
, the greater the repercussion for an action, the more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
avoid doing that act.
For example
, research has shown that the fear of capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
has discouraged prospective murderers.
Similarly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
are harsher, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
would be less broken.
Evidently
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that reprimanding more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for committing lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
has a discouraging effect.

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, having a harsher
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
breakers off the highway thereby
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
transport safer. To elaborate, creating a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
where a driver's license or a vehicle would
be seized
for break minute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
laws would ensure that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
law breakers would no longer be on our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
.
For instance
, criminals are
being jailed
for their crimes.
Thus
, more and more criminals
are removed
from the society each day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
if this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalty
is implemented
for driving, then they would be a thing of the past.
As a result
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
become safer. In all, it is apparent that stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
can remove criminals from our roads.

To conclude
, the effects of increasing the severity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
law breakers cannot
be overemphasized
. As such, by discouraging would be offenders and kicking out
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
ones, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
are made
less
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
. Unless stronger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
penalties
are enforced
, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
roads
would remain
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
unsafe
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay The only way to improve the safety on our own road is to have stricter punishment for driving offenders. with this statement? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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