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The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extend do you agree or disagree? v.1

The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extend v. 1
Road safety has become a measure concern these days. Whether rigorous penalties would be the most effective way to deter driving offences, is a very controversial issue. Although, I second that the implementation of harsher punishments could be the best solution for hindering the road accident, there are other methods which should be applied by the government for making people conscious about road safety. First and foremost, the implementation of rigid rules regarding road safety proved to be fruitful. For example, in Vietnam, the citizens are punished for not wearing a helmet from $20 to $40. Fearing for this penalty, people never put off their helmet during driving. Moreover, if the government does not make that hard laws for the would-be offenders, it is possible that the law breakers would conveniently break the law. For instance, in Singapore, before 1980, the government did not impose any law regarding road casualties, which had caused many lives meaningless for their families and society. When the authority saw this, they started new rules and regulations which were the most effective in the long run. Similarly, people have started to think about more measures that should be taken to minimize road injuries of death, regardless of the implementation of various types of law. The most effective one could be that the government should heighten people’s awareness by the media. This, eventually, could help people to understand not only the bad impact of not abiding by rules such as wearing a helmet at the time of driving, maintaining traffic signals, but it also makes people conscious about their lives. The other measure is that encouraging people to use the public transport such as bus, train, et Cetra. In conclusion, while it is true that rigorous penalties are the key to impede road accidents, raising people’s consciousness and encouraging people to use public transports, in my opinion, could also be the best methods.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Road
safety has become a measure concern these days. Whether rigorous penalties would be the most effective way to deter driving
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial issue. Although, I second that the implementation of harsher punishments could be the best solution for hindering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accident, there are other methods which should
be applied
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
for making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conscious about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety.

First
and foremost, the implementation of rigid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
safety proved to be fruitful.
For example
, in Vietnam, the citizens
are punished
for not wearing a helmet from $20 to $40. Fearing for this penalty,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
never put off their helmet during driving.
Moreover
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
laws
for the would-be offenders, it is possible that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
breakers would
conveniently
break the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
.
For instance
, in Singapore,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
1980, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
did not impose any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
regarding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
casualties, which had caused
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
meaningless for their families and society. When the authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
saw
this, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and regulations which were the most effective in the long run.

Similarly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about more measures that should
be taken
to minimize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
injuries of death, regardless of the implementation of various types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
law
. The most effective one could be that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should heighten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
awareness by the media. This,
eventually
, could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to understand not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact of not abiding by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
such as wearing a helmet at the time of driving, maintaining traffic signals,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
conscious about their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. The other measure is that encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the public transport such as bus, train,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.

In conclusion
, while it is true that rigorous penalties are the key to impede
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
road
accidents, raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
consciousness and encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
public transports, in my opinion, could
also
be the best methods.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
I am always sorry when any language is lost, because languages are the pedigrees of nations.
Samuel Johnson

IELTS essay The only way to improve safety on our roads is to give much stricter punishments for driving offences. What extend v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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