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The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. v.2

The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. v. 2
It is believed that the best way to reduce crime is by adding more prisons and making the detention period longer. To a certain point, I would agree with the idea but it is not the only way, as there are other alternatives that government could do to reduce the crime rate. On the one hand, some people believe that by building more prisons and making a stricter detention period, it will be possible to reduce the number of crime activities. It is hoped that people will think twice before they do some criminal acts, as there are a lot of available rooms in prisons, and they could be sentenced for such a long period. For example, if the government set new regulation whereas bank robbers will be punished for a thirty-five years period of detention, then it is expected that people who plan to do this will consider all the consequences for a number of times before they rob a bank. However, the government should notice that adding more prisons and setting a longer detention period is not the only way, as it should be integrated with other plans as well. In the common case, people do crimes because they have less skill, no money and unemployed, and as a consequence, they do some crimes for survival. Besides of the above-mentioned plan, the government should also provide skill training for low skill residents, therefore they could enter the workplace and would not think about doing some crime activities. And then, the government should also provide job opportunities for ex-prisoners, as in the general case, many of them were not accepted by the public and consequently, they returned to the crime world again. In conclusion, to a certain extent, I agree that building more prisons and extending the sentence period would be a good plan for lowering the crime rate. But, it should also be combined with other plans such as providing skill course for the poor and create some works for ex-convicts, therefore the plan would run effectively.
It
is believed
that the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
is by adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and making the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
longer. To a certain point, I would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way, as there are other alternatives that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
could do to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that by building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and making a stricter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
, it will be possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
activities. It
is hoped
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
twice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
criminal acts, as there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
available rooms in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
, and they could
be sentenced
for such a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
set new regulation whereas bank robbers will
be punished
for a thirty-five years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detention
, then it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
to do this will consider all the consequences for a number of times
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they rob a bank.

However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should notice that adding more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and setting a longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
detention
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way, as it should
be integrated
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
as well
. In the common case,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
, no money and unemployed, and as a consequence, they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
for survival.
Besides
of the above-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
training for low
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
residents,
therefore
they could enter the workplace and would not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
activities. And then, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
also
provide job opportunities for ex-prisoners, as in the general case,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
by the public and
consequently
, they returned to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
world again.

In conclusion
, to a certain extent, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and extending the sentence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
period
would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
for lowering the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
rate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, it should
also
be combined
with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plans
such as providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skill
course for the poor and create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
works for ex-convicts,
therefore
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
plan
would run
effectively
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
42Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
339 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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