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The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. v.1

The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. v. 1
As we see nowadays the crime rate has increased comparatively and many people think that building more prisons and putting people inside for a long time will help to reduce the crime rate but actually this is not the solution in my opinion. The first thing we need to do is to control the crime rate in the society by raising awareness in people and through positive media. The media has a very important role in raising awareness in common population through television and the Internet. The young generation is deeply influenced by the violence based movies and such movies should not me made instead positive messages should be given to the innocent minds so that tomorrow they become the useful citizens. Another important issue is the increased use of unlicensed weapons openly in society as it is seen commonly now that on small issues people lose their tempers and don't hesitate in using guns. At the same time, security should be increased at society level like in small towns and other neglected places and security automobiles number should also be increased. The idea of increasing the prison number and holding the criminals long time inside is not a very sensible idea because it is observed that people start making organised gangs inside the jails and sometimes become big criminals than they were ever before. Instead of wasting this money on extending the prison system Government should invest this money on beneficial plans for a nation like constructing modern hospitals, improving the pre-existing health sector and giving better education standards. To sum up, raising awareness can make a remarkable difference in people's attitude and can decline the crime rates. this is a far better approach than increasing the number of prisons and prolonging the punishment period.
As we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
nowadays the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
has increased
comparatively
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inside for a long time will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
actually this is not the solution in my opinion.

The
first
thing we need to do is to control the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rate
in the society by raising awareness in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
media. The media has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in raising awareness in common population through television and the Internet.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
The
young generation is
deeply
influenced by the violence based movies and such movies
Please check the order of words and the punctuation of this sentence!
should not me
made
instead
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
messages should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to the innocent minds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that tomorrow they become the useful citizens.

Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue is the increased
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of unlicensed weapons
openly
in society as it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
commonly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
issues
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lose their tempers and don't hesitate in using guns. At the same time, security should
be increased
at society level like in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
towns and other neglected places and security automobiles number should
also
be increased
.

The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
number and holding the criminals long time inside is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
sensible
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
is observed
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
making
Possible spelling mistake. 'organised' is British English.
organised
gangs inside the jails and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
criminals than they were ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Instead
of wasting this money on extending the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
system
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should invest this money on beneficial plans for a nation like constructing modern hospitals, improving the pre-existing health sector and giving better education standards.

To sum up, raising awareness can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a remarkable difference in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's attitude and can decline the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
is a far better approach than increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
and prolonging the punishment period.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The only way to cut the crime rate is building more prisons and make prison sentences longer. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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