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Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees? v.3

Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees? v. 3
The economic inflation, increased unemployment and nature of businesses around the globe have made it mandatory for employees to work longer hours. The long and challenging working hours, social and economical condition and modernization have also increased the amount of stress we feel in our working places. I would say a positive and balanced lifestyle, realistic expectation and support from the employers can address this pressing issue. First of all, managing a decent job and earning livings have become competitive nowadays. The economic inflation has made it quite tough to live a standard life and to support the family. While the 50% of the world property are owned by merely 7% of people, more than 50% people in the world have very little to support their family and children. So when they get a job they are ready to work as many hours as their employers demand to earn a living. Without a job those people will starve and they are mostly factory workers and labours who comprise the largest portion of the workforce in many countries. There are plenty of qualified graduates who are struggling to get a job only because the competition is too high. So when someone solely relies on the salary he earns, he has to obey the rule imposed by the employers and it is not uncommon that many private organisations expect the employees to work more than 10 hours per day. The government’s lack of control in private industries in many countries is the reason why employees in these companies have to work longer hours. The businesses nowadays are transforming to global nature and it is not rare for many companies to have offshore offices. In many technology-related companies, people are working more than 14 hours per day and remaining attached with their colleagues from home. The long working hours, job responsibility, peer pressure and sedentary lifestyle of employees are increasing the stress related issues faster than any time in history. The increased violence, corruption and crime are also the reasons many employees in the defence and public sectors suffer from stress. Interestingly the bad traffic in many cities is one of the major reasons people feel stressed while commuting to their offices. The employers can play a great role to reduce the working hours and thus controlling the work related pressures among employees. In fact, long working hours is not a guarantee of better productivity and the employers have to understand that. They can reduce the working hours, offers leaves and support morally to keep their employees happy. The employers should understand the impact of performance between a stressed and a happy employee. Simple appreciation from an employer can make a great impact and the employers have to respect their employees not treat them as servants.
The economic inflation, increased unemployment and nature of businesses around the globe have made it mandatory for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
. The long and challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, social and economical condition and modernization have
also
increased the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
we feel in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
places. I would say a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and balanced lifestyle, realistic expectation and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can address this pressing issue.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, managing a decent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and earning livings have become competitive nowadays. The economic inflation has made it quite tough to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a standard life and to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
the family. While the 50% of the world property are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by
merely
7% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, more than 50%
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
their family and children.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
when they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
they are ready to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
as their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
demand to earn a living. Without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
starve and
they are
mostly
factory workers and
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
who comprise the largest portion of the workforce in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of qualified graduates who are struggling to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the competition is too high.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
when someone
solely
relies on the salary he earns, he
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
obey the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
imposed by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
and it is not uncommon that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
private
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisations' is British English.
organisations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
more than 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
’s lack of control in
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "industries".
private industries
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries is the reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
longer hours.

The businesses nowadays are transforming to global nature and it is not rare for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to have offshore offices. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
technology-related
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
more than 14
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day and remaining attached with their colleagues from home. The long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
responsibility, peer pressure and sedentary lifestyle of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "is"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'are' is not always incorrect.)
are
increasing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
related issues faster than any time in history. The increased violence, corruption and crime are
also
the reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'defence' is British English.
defence
and public sectors suffer from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
Interestingly
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
traffic in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cities is one of the major reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
while commuting to their offices.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
can play a great role to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
and
thus
controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
related pressures among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
. In fact, long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
is not a guarantee of better productivity and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
understand that. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, offers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
support
morally
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
happy. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
should understand the impact of performance between a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
and a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employee
. Simple appreciation from an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employer
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a great impact and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
respect their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
not treat them as servants.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays many jobs are more stressful and the working day is longer. What are the reasons for this? What can employers do to help employees? v. 3

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
463 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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