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Nowadays, most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solution. v.6

Nowadays, most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solution. v. 6
In recent years, major concern regarding human fitness has risen arose. Most people are less fit and active, rather than being in earlier years. In this essay, we would include factors leading to this trend and how can we solve this issue. To start with, lack of physical work due to the availability of easy alternative. From, cars to food home delivery, all options are present at our doorstep for daily necessities. For example, in 1980s, 90 percent of people would go to their jobs via public transport in comparison to2000s where only 30 percent would use. Also, people tend to hire workers for comfort, be it household work or driver. Thus, lack of physical activity has led to unfit generation. To add on, decreased spare time for physical exercise. With the increased work pressure and overworking whole day for the job, travelling hours to reach home, people tend to get less free time in a day. Furthermore, people ignore the importance of physical activities and run in between office and houses, leading to health concerns like back problem, hypertension and cardiac issues arising at the early age of 30s. Additionally, we need to curb this issue and come up with solutions soon. Firstly, awareness needs to be spread regarding the importance of being fit and initiative to promote it. With the help of organizing health camps, yoga camps, free gymnasiums and laughter clubs could help us. Also, to fix the office hours and making physical exercise compulsory for 15minutes per day would be a good promotion.
In recent years, major concern regarding human fitness has risen arose. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are less fit and active,
rather
than being in earlier years. In this essay, we would include factors leading to this trend and how can we solve this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
work due to the availability of easy alternative. From, cars to food home delivery, all options are present at our doorstep for daily necessities.
For example
,
The article is probably missing here: "in the 1980s".
in 1980s
, 90 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would go to their jobs via public transport
in comparison
to2000s where
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
30 percent would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to hire workers for comfort, be it household work or driver.
Thus
, lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activity has led to unfit generation.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
on, decreased spare time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise. With the increased work pressure and overworking whole day for the job, travelling hours to reach home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
less free time in a day.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
activities and run in between office and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, leading to health concerns like back problem, hypertension and cardiac issues arising at the early age of 30s.

Additionally
, we need to curb this issue and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with solutions
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.
Firstly
, awareness needs to
be spread
regarding the importance of
being fit
and initiative to promote it. With the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of organizing health camps, yoga camps, free gymnasiums and laughter clubs could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us.
Also
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
the office hours and making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
physical
exercise compulsory for 15minutes per day would be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
promotion.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, most people are not as fit and active, as they were in the past. What are the main causes of this situation? Suggest some possible solution. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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