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The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being over weight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society. How can this problem be solved. v.1

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being over weight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society. How can this problem be solved. v. 1
The number of humans who are susceptible to serious health issues as a result of being obese is rising. Why is this ugly trend on this rise and how can it be curtailed? This essay will discuss both questions in detail. The major cause of obesity today is the availability of cheap fast foods. Unlike in the past, convenience meals were reserved for the elites. These days they can be seen at every major road offering discounted meal combos which have been found to contain high cholesterol and oil. The resultant effect is that consumption levels of these products have increased leaving people with excess calories the body converts into fat. For example, a research conducted by the Food Health Council of Nigeria in 2018 revealed that those at a risk of cardiovascular and respiratory diseases exclusively ate fast food. A workable solution to this menace is to increase taxes on quick meals. The law of demand states that an increase in price lowers demand for a product and as such people will either reduce consumption or stop totally. In the United Arab Emirates for instance, the government increased value added tax on ready made food by over 200%, this lead to a decline in overweight individuals because many people could not afford it. If the fat content of processed and unprocessed food is also regulated by government, there would be fewer cases of obesity. To sum up, an unhealthy society is a time bomb that would affect the labour force and government spendings on health. There is need to control the rise in obesity in the country by regulating food make up and introducing premium taxes on it.
The number of humans who are susceptible to serious health issues
as a result
of being obese is rising. Why is this ugly trend on this rise and how can it
be curtailed
? This essay will discuss both questions in detail.

The major cause of obesity
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
is the availability of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. Unlike in the past, convenience meals
were reserved
for the elites. These days they can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
at every major road offering discounted meal combos which have
been found
to contain high cholesterol and oil. The resultant effect is that consumption levels of these products have increased leaving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
with excess calories the body converts into
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
conducted by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Food
Health Council of Nigeria in 2018 revealed that those at a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of cardiovascular and respiratory diseases exclusively ate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food.

A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solution to this menace is to increase taxes on quick meals. The law of demand states that an increase in price lowers demand for a product and as such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will either
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
consumption or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
totally
. In the United Arab Emirates
for instance
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
increased value
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
tax on
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
ready made
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by over 200%, this lead to a decline in overweight individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
could not afford it. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
content of processed and unprocessed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is
also
regulated by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, there would be fewer cases of obesity.

To sum up, an unhealthy society is a time bomb that would affect the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
spendings on
health. There
is need
to control the rise in obesity in the country by regulating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
up and introducing premium taxes on it.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being over weight is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweight people in society. How can this problem be solved. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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