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The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year on year While some people believe prisons are the best way to tackle crime others suggest that community service is successful Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.2

The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year on year While some people believe prisons are the best way to tackle crime others suggest that community service is successful 2
Nowadays, crime levels are rising every year so the amount of people that end up in prison it is also grown. Many ascertain the prison is the most vital way of punishment while others believe the prisoners should do community service as a part of their punishment. I believe that by doing community service crime makers will learn and be punished at the same time and as a result the society will benefit. Imprisonment was always the most well-known way of penalty for offenders. Prison is a huge building which it is utilised by the low to keep the offenders until their imprisonment is over. Prisoners live in cells with only a bed and they are locked up most of the day. In addition, they live in isolation far from the real life to be punished for their actions. Therefore is believed that with this treatment the prisoners will understand what they have done and they will pay for their actions by living in isolation. On the other hand, community service that is it done by prisoners will bring positive impacts in the society as well at the offenders. Firstly, prisoners will benefit because they will not feel useless and it is also a way of showing that they are not ripped from the real life. Moreover instead o spending all of their time in locked cells they will be responsible for a specific community job which will help them to adapt to the population quicker when they will be free again. Secondly, society will benefit. Moreover a lot of community services need to be done but the workers are not exist so by putting prisoners in those places the work will be finished. In conclusion, it is argued which way of punishment is more successful imprisonment or community service. In my opinion community service must be considered as a form of punishment because it is beneficial for both offenders and society.
Nowadays, crime levels are rising every year
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up in prison it is
also
grown.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
ascertain the prison is the most vital way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
while others believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
should do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
as a part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. I believe that by doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
crime makers will learn and
be punished
at the same time and
as a result
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will benefit.

Imprisonment was always the most well-known way of penalty for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
. Prison is a huge building which it is
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilised' is British English.
utilised
by the low to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
until their imprisonment is over.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Prisoners
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in cells with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
bed and
they
are locked
up most of the day.
In addition
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in isolation far from the real life to
be punished
for their actions.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Therefore
is believed
that with this treatment the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
will understand what they have
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
done and
they will pay for their actions by living in isolation.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
that is
it done by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
will bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
as well
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
will benefit
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will not feel useless and it is
also
a way of showing that they are not ripped from the real life.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
instead
o spending all of their time in locked cells they will be responsible for a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
job which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to adapt to the population quicker when they will be free again.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
will benefit.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
need to
be done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the workers are not
Consider using a past participle here: "existed".
exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by putting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisoners
in those places the work will
be finished
.

In conclusion
, it
is argued
which way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
is more successful imprisonment or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
. In my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
service
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be considered
as a form of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is beneficial for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
offenders
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of people being sent to prison is increasing year on year While some people believe prisons are the best way to tackle crime others suggest that community service is successful 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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