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The number of people are getting higher who wear fashionable clothes. is it good or bad situation? v.1

The number of people are getting higher who wear fashionable clothes. is it good or bad situation? v. 1
Fashion is taking over the lives of people from all the domains whether they are famous personalities or middle class folks. People nowadays prefer to wear fashionable clothes regardless of its high cost. In my opinion, it is unwise to have an inclination toward fashionable clothing. Having a fancy clothing closet is evitable owing to the fact that it is unnecessary and astronomically expensive to own it. It is irrational to spend a huge amount of money on clothes when there are a number of serious concerns in the life to worry about. For example, most of the celebrities waste a large amount of their wealth to buy expensive clothes which, alternatively, could be utilized to help the extremely indigent population of the nation. Thus, attention should not be paid for the clothes, but for the decency and act of kindness. The temptation to buy trendy clothes gives rise to the materialism which means the value of material possession is higher than other human values. This accelerates the feeling of envy among people. They are more likely to get jealous of attires people wear because an expensive piece of clothing catches their attention more than a person’s talent and a real character. Besides, clothes were invented to cover the body from harsh environmental condition and it hardly has an impact on the overall personality of a person, since his character makes him noticeable not his clothes. In conclusion, It seems to me that urge To buy designer and costly clothes has no real significance to real world.
Fashion is taking over the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from all the domains whether they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
personalities or middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
folks.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
nowadays prefer to wear fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
regardless of its high cost. In my opinion, it is unwise to have an inclination toward fashionable clothing.

Having a fancy clothing closet is
Possible spelling mistake found.
evitable
owing to the fact that it is unnecessary and
astronomically
expensive to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
it. It is irrational to spend a huge amount of money on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
when there are a number of serious concerns in the life to worry about.
For example
, most of the celebrities waste a large amount of their wealth to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
expensive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
which,
alternatively
, could
be utilized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
extremely
indigent population of the nation.
Thus
, attention should not
be paid
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
for the decency and act of kindness.

The temptation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
gives rise to the materialism which means the value of material possession is higher than other human values. This accelerates the feeling of envy among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. They are more likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
jealous of attires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
wear
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
an expensive piece of clothing catches their attention more than a person’s talent and a real character.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
were invented
to cover the body from harsh environmental condition and it hardly has an impact on the
overall
personality of a person, since his character
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
him noticeable not his clothes.

In conclusion
, It seems to me that urge To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
designer and costly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has no real significance to real world.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
To have another language is to possess a second soul.
Charlemagne

IELTS essay The number of people are getting higher who wear fashionable clothes. is it good or bad situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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