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Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? v.9

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 9
It’s thought by some that one of the greatest things and opportunities that money and richnesses can provide people, it’s the chance they have to help others, specially the needed ones. In my opinion, however, I don’t agree this is the best aspect about being rich and I think a lot of money is no needed in order to help people. Firstly, one of the main reasons why the most important thing about being rich isn’t helping others is the fact that they have a lot of other kind of much interesting facilities as well as opportunities. Despite some of the richer people in the world help the needed ones making donations of millions of money, the majority of them don’t do this very often, which make people think, this is far from being something they really like. In the opposite, the main part of the world richest people usually spend their money on big houses, luxury items and amazing exotic vacations, being if not the most important things about having a lot of money, the most valued as well as liked one. On the other hand, not only helping others is something rich people do in only punctual occasions, but also is something which doesn't necessarily require having a millionaire wage. A good example of this is the volunteer programs, which allow people to help the most desfavorables ones, especially in a lot of undeveloped countries. Volunteers provide simply basic survival things such as food, water and medicines, without having to pay anything. In addition, people who face the reality of a volunteer not only feel helpful, but the richness because of their contribution. In conclusion, I think that far from being the best aspect about richnesses, money doesn’t play a big role when it comes to help other people. On the opposite side, people who have less money use to be more helpful as well as rich.
It’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that one of the greatest things and opportunities that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
Possible spelling mistake found.
richnesses
can provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, it’s the chance they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
others,
specially
the needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
. In my opinion,
however
, I don’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
this is the best aspect about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is no needed in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

Firstly
, one of the main reasons why the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
thing about being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
isn’t helping others is the fact that they have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
kind of much interesting facilities
as well
as opportunities. Despite
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
making donations of millions of
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money
, the majority of them don’t do this
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, this is far from being something they
really
like. In the opposite, the main part of the world richest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
spend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
, luxury items and amazing exotic vacations, being if not the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
things about having a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, the most valued
as well
as liked one.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
helping others is something
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rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
punctual occasions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
is something which doesn't
necessarily
require having a millionaire wage. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of this is the volunteer programs, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
desfavorables
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
especially
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
of undeveloped countries. Volunteers provide
simply
basic survival things such as food, water and medicines, without having to pay anything.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who face the reality of a volunteer not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
feel helpful,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the richness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their contribution.

In conclusion
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that far from being the best aspect about
Possible spelling mistake found.
richnesses
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
doesn’t play a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role when it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. On the opposite side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
Make sure that 'use to' is correct. For habitual actions in the past or to mean 'accustomed to', use "used to".
use to
be more helpful
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rich
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You live a new life for every new language you speak. If you know only one language, you live only once.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
319 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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