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More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development v.2

More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development v. 2
In today’s modernized world, where societies around the glove is giving enormous importance to latest and trendy attires, especially due to influence of western world. In my opinion, this is a negative development affecting younger generation emotionally, financially as well as from health perspective. In this essay, I shall presents banes of the fashion industry on an individual as well as on the society. Firstly, fashion industry has ingrained psychological dependencies on the society in a way that it resulted in a form of addiction towards it. Furthermore, such enormous importance of fashion on society requires people to get in shape, similar to zero shaped or highly fit celebrities, which requires people to go on strict diet and strenuous workouts which can impact health of people who look for fast results. Secondly, following trendy fashion needs a lot of money to be invested. Consequently, people who cannot afford such a luxury, might either financially overburden himself or feel a sense of envy towards his fellow citizen. Thirdly and more importantly, following western fashion in conservation societies might result in various social issues. For instance, in a country like Saudi Arabia it is highly unlikely for woman to openly practice western fashion. If they do so, might result in social problems. On the other hand, following fashion does have certain pros such as, it keeps society updated with global trend. Moreover, it helps an individual to adapt to different cultures. For example, if at all a person plans to work for multi-national country or plans to migrate to foreign land for job or study related prospects then his taste towards fashion can come handy. To conclude, in today’s time, younger generation is blindly following fashion industry and considers it to be incumbent criteria to look good. Above all, enormous amount of money is being spent on it. Such an attitude is morally incorrect resulting in various social issues both on individual as well as on society. Therefore, an optimum level of fashion must be acquired by society.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s modernized world, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
around the glove is giving enormous importance to latest and trendy attires,
especially
due to influence of western world. In my opinion, this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development affecting younger generation
emotionally
,
financially
as well
as from health perspective.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
this essay, I shall
The verb 'shall' requires the base form of the verb: "present"
presents
banes of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry on an individual
as well
as on the society.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry has ingrained psychological dependencies on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
in a way that it resulted in a form of addiction towards it.
Furthermore
, such enormous importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
in shape, similar to zero shaped or
highly
fit celebrities, which requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go on strict diet and strenuous workouts which can impact health of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who look for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
results.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
trendy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
needs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money to
be invested
.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who cannot afford such a luxury, might either
financially
overburden himself or feel a sense of envy towards his fellow citizen.
Thirdly
and more
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
in conservation
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
might result in various social issues.
For instance
, in a country like Saudi Arabia it is
highly
unlikely for woman to
openly
practice western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
. If they do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, might result in social problems.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
does have certain pros such as, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
updated with global trend.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
an individual to adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures.
For example
, if at all a person plans to work for multi-national country or plans to migrate to foreign land for job or study related prospects then his taste towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
handy.

To conclude
, in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s time, younger generation is
blindly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
industry and considers it to be incumbent criteria to look
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.
Above all
, enormous amount of money is
being spent
on it. Such an attitude is
morally
incorrect resulting in various social issues both on individual
Probable usage error. Use "and" after 'both'.
as well as
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, an optimum level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fashion
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be acquired
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
336 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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