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More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development? v.1

More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development? v. 1
In this day and age, the demand of wearing fashionable clothes is proliferating by leaps and bounds at global scale. It is stated that number of proponents believe that it become imperative to wear fashionable clothes. This essay will discuss the negative impact of development. To embark on, in the present scenario wearing fashionable clothes cultivate numerous issues for individuals such as it wastage large amount of money as well as their precious time while looking at various variety of clothes in the market. Moreover, people spent a lot of time in in their phones on online shops where they exhaust their time and currency. If, multitudes spend abundance of wealth on stylish outfits, it would not be conducive for them. For instance in 2018 a survey showed that 70% masses fritter away on modern costumes and spent money like play ducks and drakes. Thus spending money and time on attire have negative effects on masses and tradition. However, in modern era showing more curiosity towards designer outfits ruin the local culture. If, mobs show interest in western clothes, it would not beneficial for culture. Nowadays masses tend to wear western attire instead of wearing cultural costumes. To illustrate, a survey revealed that in India, demand of western outfits grew to 90% in sales and they not tend to present their passion towards their own culture apparel such as kurta pajama. Hence trend of to be dressed in popular garments is not favourable approach. To sum up, although showing attitude to wear vogish attire ruin local culture and waste the time and money.
In this day and age, the demand of wearing fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is proliferating by leaps and bounds at global scale. It
is stated
that number of proponents believe that it become imperative to wear fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact of development.

To embark on, in the present scenario wearing fashionable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
cultivate numerous issues for individuals such as
Do not use a noun immediately after the pronoun 'it'. Use a verb or an adverb, or possibly some other part of speech.
it wastage
large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
while looking at various variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
in the market.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
their phones on online shops where they exhaust their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and currency. If, multitudes spend abundance of wealth on stylish outfits, it would not be conducive for them.
For instance
in 2018 a survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 70% masses fritter away on modern costumes and spent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
like play ducks and drakes.
Thus
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on attire have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects on masses and tradition.

However
, in modern era showing more curiosity towards designer outfits ruin the local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. If, mobs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
interest in western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, it
It seems that a verb or adverb has been misspelled or is missing here.
would not beneficial
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
. Nowadays masses tend to wear western attire
instead
of wearing cultural costumes. To illustrate, a survey revealed that in India, demand of western outfits grew to 90% in
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
sales and
they not tend to present their passion towards their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
apparel such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
kurta
pajama.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
trend of to
be dressed
in popular garments is not
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
approach.

To sum up, although showing attitude to wear
Possible spelling mistake found.
vogish
attire ruin local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and waste the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay More and more people are finding it increasingly important to wear fashionable clothes. Is this attitude to wearing clothes a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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