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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree with these views? v.9

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 9
Recently, the phenomena of increasing the level of obesity in children in developed countries have become highly disputatious. Supporters validate that it may be due to increase in the availability of fast food outlets. On the other hand, opponents proclaim that the parents have to be blamed; due to ignoring their kids. I should mention both points of view for you to judge, shouldn't I? Not only makes people think that overweight children is due to a significant rise in the number of fast food restaurants, but also because of the parents. If the parents are not keen to feed their children homemade food at lunch, then he will mainly depend on quick food, which is found in the street. For example, if his mother didn't offer healthy food for lunch such as vegetables, then obesity will spread in the family like cancer! ! Blame should be bombarded towards the parents. Viewing the other side of the coin, I think that escalating in the percentage of overweight children is because of the decrease in the sports' time. When the child stop practicing sports, this automatically leads to decrease his rate of metabolism, which will lead to unhealthy obesity. They usually burn fat during the training, however after cutting of this habit will lead to a sudden change in eating habits. For example, exercising for thirty minutes burn around two hundred calories, which is almost equivalent to get rid of a burger's fats. To cut it short, there are lots of factors, which is controlled by the kid that need to be taken into consideration. All in a nutshell, despite the fact that some people state that this is due myriads of fast food being eaten per week, others claimed that it's due to parents, who don't take care of their kids. Although I moderately agree with these ideas, I think that quitting a specific sport is the bedrock of it. Moreover, I genuinely believe that eating healthy food at home is essential.
Recently, the phenomena of increasing the level of obesity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
have become
highly
disputatious. Supporters validate that it may be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to increase in the availability of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets.
On the other hand
, opponents proclaim that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be blamed
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to ignoring their kids. I should mention both points of view for you to judge, shouldn't I?

Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to a significant rise in the number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
restaurants,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are not keen to feed their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at lunch, then he will
mainly
depend on quick
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, which
is found
in the street.
For example
, if his mother didn't offer healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for lunch such as vegetables, then obesity will spread in the family like cancer! ! Blame should
be bombarded
towards the parents.

Viewing the other side of the coin, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that escalating in the percentage of overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the decrease in the sports' time. When the child
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
practicing sports, this
automatically
leads to decrease his rate of metabolism, which will lead to unhealthy obesity. They
usually
burn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
during the training,
however
after cutting of this habit will lead to a sudden
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in eating habits.
For example
, exercising for thirty minutes burn around two hundred calories, which is almost equivalent to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of a burger's fats. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
it short, there are lots of factors, which
is controlled
by the kid that need to
be taken
into consideration.

All in a nutshell, despite the fact that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
state that this is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
myriads of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
being eaten
per week, others claimed that it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, who don't take care of their kids. Although I
moderately
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that quitting a specific sport is the bedrock of it.
Moreover
, I
genuinely
believe that eating healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at home is essential.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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