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Some people prefer to plan the activities for their free time very carefully. others disagree. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people prefer to plan the activities for their free time very carefully. others disagree. v. 1
Stressed continues to be an unavoidable issue in modern society, as many people have difficulty in controlling their lives. While there are several problems that people suffer as a result of this feelings, there is also some solution that we can take to solve this situation. Perhaps the most obvious influence of this problem is lack of concentration. Depression can cause a lot of energy in the body while you cannot concentrate on doing anything. Even worse, if this situation lasts it will cause insomnia and the quality of your sleep will decrease when you cannot relax your mind to rest. A further problem is that it that people who have insomnia for a long time can experience negative health effects. They are more likely to suffer from heart disease, blood pressure or headaches. There are several solutions that could be taken to solve the issues. First, people should try to get help from family and friends because they can listen to you and give advice to help you overcome life difficulties. Second, according to analyst physical activities such as yoga jogging affects the brain so it reduces stress effectively, helps us improve sleep and concentration. Finally, everyone should have a reasonable diet as eating lots of vegetables, drinking plenty of water or limiting fast food. This habit will improve health and reduce stress in life. In conclusion, nowadays society is developing so the rate of people being stressed is very high, so I think the above solutions will help people improve their health and reduce depression.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Stressed
continues to be an unavoidable issue in modern society, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have difficulty in controlling their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. While there are several problems that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer
as a result
of
Did you mean "these"?
this
feelings, there is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution that we can take to solve this situation.

Perhaps the most obvious influence of this problem is lack of concentration. Depression can cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
energy in the body while you cannot concentrate on doing anything. Even worse, if this situation lasts it will cause insomnia and the quality of your sleep will decrease when you cannot relax your mind to rest. A
further
problem is that it that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have insomnia for a long time can experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
health effects. They are more likely to suffer from heart disease, blood pressure or headaches.

There are several solutions that could
be taken
to solve the issues.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
from family and friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can listen to you and give advice to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
you overcome life difficulties. Second, according to analyst physical activities such as yoga jogging affects the brain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
effectively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
us
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
sleep and concentration.
Finally
, everyone should have a reasonable diet as eating lots of vegetables, drinking
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of water or limiting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food. This habit will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
in life.

In conclusion
, nowadays society is developing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
high,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the above solutions will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their health and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
depression.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people prefer to plan the activities for their free time very carefully. others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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