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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v.7

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 7
Recently, the debate whether the increase in fast food outlets or lack of parents' supervision of their children is the main reason behind the growing percentage of obesity has caused a ruckus among myriads of parents as well as citizens. Supporters will prevail, that it is the parents' fault as they are not paying attention to their children's health; however opponents will disagree-claiming that children may be going out alone with their friends so it is due to the growing number of this type of food. Relying on both perspectives that will be discussed in this essay, you will be able to choose where you stand. Regarding this thought-provoking issue, those who are in favour of blaming parents will have a vast plethora of proofs to mention. First and foremost, not only are parents expected to track their children's actions daily to check that everything is going fine, but they also warn their youngsters that they should not eat unhealthy food more than once a week. For example, a punishment, which is agreed upon from both the children and the parents, should be held if the child ate fast food more than once a week. Although others may adapt to different stand point stating that they should be given the freedom to choose what they want, supporters will acquiesce that children should be coerced to do the right thing in their early life until it becomes a habit! Despite these obvious proofs, one cannot turn a blind eye on the incontestable blames that should be directed to these restaurants' owners. The first and the most salient aspect is that not only do their menus include very limited range of healthy food as salads, but they are also overpriced in order to discourage customers to buy them. As an illustration, it cannot be denied that even though salads may have a great taste and delicious look, their photos were rarely added in the menus to attract people. In other words, restaurants' owners will find it superfluous to care about his customers' well-being as long as he is generating profit from them. In conclusion, I have a resolute unwavering advocate that they both should be blamed for children being overweight. This problem can be tackled by parents being more concerned about their kids and these outlets should offer diet food in their menus, because this generation's well being is the bedrock for the country's growth and to reach the zenith of SUCCESS!
Recently, the debate whether the increase in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets or lack of parents' supervision of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is the main reason behind the growing percentage of obesity has caused a ruckus among myriads of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
as citizens. Supporters will prevail, that it is the parents' fault as they are not paying attention to their children's health;
however
opponents will disagree-claiming that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may be going out alone with their friends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is due to the growing number of this type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. Relying on both perspectives that will
be discussed
in this essay, you will be able to choose where you stand.

Regarding this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
-provoking issue, those who are in
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
of blaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have a vast plethora of proofs to mention.
First
and foremost, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
their children's actions daily to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
that everything is going fine,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
also
warn their youngsters that they should not eat unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more than once a week.
For example
, a punishment, which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
upon from both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, should
be held
if the child ate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
more than once a week. Although others may adapt to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
stand point stating that they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the freedom to choose what they want, supporters will acquiesce that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be coerced
to do the right thing in their early life until it becomes a habit!

Despite these obvious proofs, one cannot turn a blind eye on the incontestable blames that should
be directed
to these restaurants' owners. The
first
and the most salient aspect is that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do their menus include
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
limited range of healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as salads,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are
also
overpriced in order to discourage customers to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them. As an illustration, it cannot
be denied
that
even though
salads may have a great taste and delicious look, their photos were rarely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
in the menus to attract
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
In other words
, restaurants' owners will find it superfluous to care about his customers' well-being as long as he is generating profit from them.

In conclusion
, I have a resolute unwavering advocate that they both should
be blamed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being overweight. This problem can
be tackled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
being more concerned about their kids and these outlets should offer diet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in their menus,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this generation's
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well being
is the bedrock for the country's growth and to reach the zenith of SUCCESS!
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
410 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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