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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. To what extent do you agree or disagree with these views? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.11

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. with these views? v. 11
A Healthy population is one of the most challenging problems for the government. The increasing number of obese people is contributing to this problem. While many argue that the parent's negligence is to blame, I believe the growing number of fast food chains are the culprit. Firstly, these big companies prioritize profits over food quality. This is because there is much more competition nowadays and fast food outlets are fighting for every penny on an item. For instance, Subway is known to add preservatives over the safe quantity, to increase the shelf life of a product. In one case they were serving a month old meat item. Furthermore, a lot of additives are added to make food tasty. One of them is MSG. It is known to reduce a child's brain function. All these things are added to get more people indulging in their food, so that their sales are increasing. All these factors are the reason for health decline in children because they are the age group consuming the most fast food. Secondly, due to the expansion of these fast food chains, health stores are decreasing. This is because they are so readily available, plus they offer food for less with great deals. For example, Dominos is now present in every corner of a block. They have free delivery and tempting advertisements that make healthy food boring. In addition, the government should tax these companies more to encourage local food stores. This will motivate more local businesses to open up, and as a result, children will get healthy. To conclude, unless the government starts making strict rules for fast food outlets, this problem will only escalate. These outlets are making our population, unhealthy by lowering food quality and expanding their business.
A Healthy population is one of the most challenging problems for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
. The increasing number of obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
is contributing to this problem. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
argue that the parent's negligence is to blame, I believe the growing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains are the culprit.

Firstly
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prioritize profits over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is much more competition nowadays and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets are fighting for every penny on an item.
For instance
, Subway
is known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
preservatives over the safe quantity, to increase the shelf life of a product. In one case they were serving a month
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
meat item.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
additives are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
tasty. One of them is MSG. It
is known
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
a child's brain function. All these things are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
added
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
indulging in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their sales are increasing. All these factors are the reason for health decline in children
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are the age group consuming the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
food.

Secondly
, due to the expansion of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
chains, health stores are decreasing. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
readily
available, plus they offer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for less with great deals.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Dominos
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
present in every corner of a block. They have free delivery and tempting advertisements that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
boring.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should tax these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
more to encourage local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
stores. This will motivate more local businesses to open up, and
as a result
, children will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
healthy.

To conclude
, unless the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
making strict
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets, this problem will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
escalate. These outlets are making our population, unhealthy by lowering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
quality and expanding their business.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. with these views? v. 11

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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