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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v.18

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 18
In today's world, fast food is one of the main problems of all countries. Fast food causes many health problems including the overweight issue. The proportion of eating fast food among young people is growing year by year and this is why the overweight issue is getting worse over time. It is believed that increasing the number of fast food outlets such as McDonalds is creating the health problem. As these cafes and fast food outlets are convenient and near to our home or workplace, they have become part of our life in spite of their harmfulness. Children who eat from those fast food shops do not know what is good and what is bad for their health. Nowadays even parents are consuming these foods even after knowing they are not beneficial for our health. This problem does not only create the overweight, besides this, it can cause heart attack and other health problems. 'Busy parents cannot to take care of their children and can’t maintain a balanced diet for them. ' -  is a common statement by the working class parents. Due to their lack of time and knowledge, children eat more and more fast food without any parental control and become fattier. Moreover, parents are grown-up enough to know what is healthy and what is unhealthy for their kids. That is why parents should help their children to make a right decision of eating food. Some people think that parents can always go to restaurants where hygienic dishes are served. As far as I am concerned, parents are more blameworthy than fast food outlets. Parents want to do their best and make their children’s lives more colourful and sound. And they should not work all day, and it would be better if parents can arrange more time for their kids. Also in my opinion parents should cook delicious foods at home, teach their kids about balance diet, ask them to avoid harmful foods and inspire them to do some exercise.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is one of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
of all countries.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
including the overweight issue. The proportion of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
growing year by year and this is why the overweight issue is getting worse over time.

It
is believed
that increasing the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets such as
Did you mean the fast food chain "McDonald's" (always spelled with a possessive apostrophe)?
McDonalds
is creating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. As these
'cafes' is an imported foreign expression, which originally has a diacritic. Consider using "cafés"
cafes
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets are convenient and near to our home or workplace, they have become part of our life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
in spite of
their harmfulness.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
who eat from those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
shops do not know what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and what is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Nowadays even
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are consuming these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
even after knowing they are not beneficial for our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
create the overweight,
besides
this, it can cause heart attack and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.

'Busy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
cannot to take care of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and can’t maintain a balanced diet for them. '
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
is a common statement by the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Due to their lack of time and knowledge,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
eat more and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
without any parental control and become fattier.
Moreover
,
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parents
are grown
-up
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to know what is healthy and what is unhealthy for their kids.
That is
why
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parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a right decision of eating
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food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can always go to restaurants where hygienic dishes
are served
.

As far as I
am concerned
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are more blameworthy than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
want to do their best and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
and sound. And they should not work all day, and it would be better if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
can arrange more time for their kids.
Also
in my opinion
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should cook delicious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
at home, teach their kids about balance diet, ask them to avoid harmful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and inspire them to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exercise.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 18

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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