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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v.14

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 14
All around the world, the living standards are becoming higher and all more similar to western society. This changing in the everyday life brings also its contradictions and drawbacks, like the dramatic increasing in the number of overweight people. This problem is even more worrying if we consider the number of overweight children, which causes will be treated in this essay. One of the reasons lots of people think is the cause of such a problem is the exponentially growing number of fast food outlets in developed countries. Fast foods originally were places where to eat a meal in few times, but now have become also the easiest and cheapest solution to have lunch all over the world. Consequently millions of families prefer to eat in fast foods where the food is appealing, thanks to the huge work on advertisements, and the cost is reasonable. Therefore, parents bring their children to the fast food outlets, where food isn't organic at all and the dimensions of a meal are completely over-proportioned. However, parents are responsible for their children's diet and have to look after them in order to avoid they become overweight or even obese. Parents have to find time to prepare healthy food for children, for example, fresh vegetables or meat, that don't require more than half an hour of cooking. Moreover, parents have to free their children's diet from sweets, exchanging them with fresh fruit. In conclusion, both fast foods and lack of parental control are causes of the increasing number of overweight children. Consequently, a change in familiar eating habits and in fast food outlets menus could prevent the risk of a future worldwide spread obesity problem.
All around the world, the living standards are becoming higher and all more similar to western society. This changing in the everyday life brings
also
its contradictions and drawbacks, like the dramatic increasing in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This problem is even more worrying if we consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, which causes will
be treated
in this essay.

One of the reasons lots of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
is the cause of such a problem is the
exponentially
growing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
originally
were places where to eat a meal in few times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
have become
also
the easiest and cheapest solution to have lunch all over the world.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Consequently
millions of families prefer to eat in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
where the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is appealing, thanks to the huge work on advertisements, and the cost is reasonable.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
bring their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
isn't organic at all and the dimensions of a meal are completely over-proportioned.

However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are responsible for their children's diet and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
look after them in order to avoid they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
or even obese.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
find time to prepare healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
for example
, fresh vegetables or meat, that don't require more than half an hour of cooking.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
free their children's diet from sweets, exchanging them with fresh fruit.

In conclusion
, both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
and lack of parental control are causes of the increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Consequently
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in familiar eating habits and in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets menus could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of a future worldwide spread obesity problem.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 14

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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