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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v.13

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 13
An increasing number of overweight children in many developing nations is a major problem which is always open for a debate. This is a topical question nowadays. Regarding this issue, some people think that problem is due to rise of the number of fast food centres while others point out that parents are responsible for lacking care on children's health. I strongly opine that food habits are completely transformed which need to be rectified immediately. On one hand, different types of foreign dishes are spread throughout the world. As children are more interested in these foods, they choose them without knowing cons about them. Consequently, a developing country cannot deny the entry of foreign trades which affects economic condition of a nation. The ingredients used to prepare an item in the fast food outlets are of low quality but rich in fat contents and other elements which  affect a child's health. Factors behind increasing demands of fast food centres include - low cost, instant availability, and finally, their distance from workplaces and our home. Fast food shops are located in every corner of the streets and people are being attracted by the variety of different tasty yet detrimental foods. On the other hand, parents are more blamed due to this problem. There are many factors relevant to this. In this challenging world, both parents are willing to have a job to adopt posh lifestyle and also to show their status. Consequently, their vision on the child's food habit plunged to the low level and thus results in unhealthy food habits. Other reasons like hormonal imbalance or gene transfer from parents to children result in obesity. In this urban life, families prefer to late parties, restaurant foods etc. These new interests devastated healthy food habits. Finally, in short consumption of fast foods should be reduced gradually simultaneously parents ought to pay more concentration on children habits and also force them to do exercises which keep body it.
An increasing number of overweight
children
in
many
developing nations is a major problem which is always open for a debate. This is a topical question nowadays. Regarding this issue,
some
people
think
that problem is due to rise of the number of
fast
food
centres
while others point out that
parents
are responsible for lacking care on children's health. I
strongly
opine that
food
habits
are completely transformed which need to
be rectified
immediately.

On one hand,
different
types of foreign dishes
are spread
throughout the world. As
children
are more interested in these
foods
, they choose them without knowing cons about them.
Consequently
, a
developing country
cannot deny the entry of foreign trades which affects economic condition of a nation. The ingredients
used
to prepare an item in the
fast
food
outlets are of low quality
but
rich in
fat
contents and
other
elements which
 
affect a child's health. Factors behind increasing demands of
fast
food
centres
include
-
low cost, instant availability, and
finally
, their distance from workplaces and our home.
Fast
food
shops
are located
in every corner of the streets and
people
are
being attracted
by the variety of
different
tasty
yet
detrimental foods.

On the
other
hand,
parents
are more blamed due to this problem. There are
many
factors relevant to this. In this challenging world, both
parents
are willing to have a job to adopt posh lifestyle and
also
to
show
their status.
Consequently
, their vision on the child's
food
habit
plunged to the low level and
thus
results in unhealthy
food
habits
.
Other
reasons like hormonal imbalance or gene transfer from
parents
to
children
result in obesity. In this urban life, families prefer to late parties, restaurant
foods
etc. These new interests devastated healthy
food
habits.

Finally
, in short consumption of
fast
foods
should be
reduced
gradually
simultaneously
parents
ought to pay more concentration on
children
habits
and
also
force them to do exercises which
keep
body it.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
32Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 13

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
326 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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