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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v.12

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 12
There is plenty of evidence to suggest that children are overweight and the situation is getting worse, according to the medical experts. I feel there are a number of reasons for this. Some people blame the fact that we are surrounded by shops selling unhealthy, fatty foods such as chips and fried chicken, at low prices. This has created a whole generation of adults who have never cooked a meal for themselves. If there were fewer of these restaurants, then children would not be tempted to buy takeaway food. There is another argument that blames the parents for allowing their children to become overweight. I tend to agree with this view, because good eating habits begin early in life, long before children start to visit fast food outlets. If children are given chips, ice creams and chocolate rather than nourishing food, or are always allowed to choose what they eat, they will go for the sweet and salty foods every time, and this will carry on throughout their lives. Parents decide what to buy and let their children eat and many parents know and feel that their children are overweight and yet let them eat high calorie contained foods like fast foods. If parents try to make their kids understand that those type of fast foods are not good for their health and draw a restriction on how much their kids are allowed to eat then the problem can be solved partially. There is a third factor, however, which contributes to the situation. Children these days take very little exercise. They do not walk to school. When they get home, they sit in front of the television or their computers and play video games. Not only is this an unhealthy pastime, it also gives them time to eat more junk food. What they need is to go outside and play active games or sport. The two views discussed play an equal role in contributing to the problem, but I think we have to encourage young people to be more active, as well as steering them away from fast food outlets and bad eating habits. We need to have a balanced approach.
There is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of evidence to suggest that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are overweight and the situation is getting worse, according to the medical experts. I feel there are a number of reasons for this.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blame the fact that we
are surrounded
by shops selling unhealthy, fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
such as chips and fried chicken, at low prices. This has created a whole generation of adults who have never cooked a meal for themselves. If there were fewer of these restaurants, then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would not
be tempted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
takeaway food.

There is another argument that blames the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
for allowing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to become overweight. I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
eating habits
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
early in life, long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
chips, ice creams and chocolate
rather
than nourishing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, or are always
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to choose what they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
, they will go for the sweet and salty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
every time, and this will carry on throughout their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
decide what to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
know and feel that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are overweight and
yet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
high calorie contained
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
like
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their kids understand that those type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for their health and draw a restriction on how much their kids are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
then the problem can
be solved
partially
.

There is a third factor,
however
, which contributes to the situation.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
these days take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
exercise. They do not walk to school. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
home, they sit in front of the television or their computers and play video games. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
is this an unhealthy pastime, it
also
gives them time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
more junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. What they need is to go outside and play active games or sport.

The two views discussed play an equal role in contributing to the problem,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
encourage young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to be more active,
as well
as steering them away from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
outlets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
eating habits. We need to have a balanced approach.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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