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The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v.12

The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 12
There is plenty of evidence to suggest that children are overweight and the situation is getting worse, according to the medical experts. I feel there are a number of reasons for this. Some people blame the fact that we are surrounded by shops selling unhealthy, fatty foods such as chips and fried chicken, at low prices. This has created a whole generation of adults who have never cooked a meal for themselves. If there were fewer of these restaurants, then children would not be tempted to buy takeaway food. There is another argument that blames the parents for allowing their children to become overweight. I tend to agree with this view, because good eating habits begin early in life, long before children start to visit fast food outlets. If children are given chips, ice creams and chocolate rather than nourishing food, or are always allowed to choose what they eat, they will go for the sweet and salty foods every time, and this will carry on throughout their lives. Parents decide what to buy and let their children eat and many parents know and feel that their children are overweight and yet let them eat high calorie contained foods like fast foods. If parents try to make their kids understand that those type of fast foods are not good for their health and draw a restriction on how much their kids are allowed to eat then the problem can be solved partially. There is a third factor, however, which contributes to the situation. Children these days take very little exercise. They do not walk to school. When they get home, they sit in front of the television or their computers and play video games. Not only is this an unhealthy pastime, it also gives them time to eat more junk food. What they need is to go outside and play active games or sport. The two views discussed play an equal role in contributing to the problem, but I think we have to encourage young people to be more active, as well as steering them away from fast food outlets and bad eating habits. We need to have a balanced approach.
There is
plenty
of evidence to suggest that
children
are overweight and the situation is getting worse, according to the medical experts. I feel there are a number of reasons for this.

Some
people
blame the fact that we
are surrounded
by shops selling unhealthy, fatty
foods
such as chips and fried chicken, at low prices. This has created a whole generation of adults who have never cooked a meal for themselves. If there were fewer of these restaurants, then
children
would not
be tempted
to
buy
takeaway food.

There is another argument that blames the
parents
for allowing their
children
to become overweight. I tend to
agree
with this view,
because
good
eating habits
begin
early in life, long
before
children
start
to visit
fast
food
outlets. If
children
are
given
chips, ice creams and chocolate
rather
than nourishing
food
, or are always
allowed
to choose what they
eat
, they will go for the sweet and salty
foods
every time, and this will carry on throughout their
lives
.
Parents
decide what to
buy
and
let
their
children
eat
and
many
parents
know and feel that their
children
are overweight and
yet
let
them
eat
high calorie contained
foods
like
fast
foods
. If
parents
try to
make
their kids understand that those type of
fast
foods
are not
good
for their health and draw a restriction on how much their kids are
allowed
to
eat
then the problem can
be solved
partially
.

There is a third factor,
however
, which contributes to the situation.
Children
these days take
very
little
exercise. They do not walk to school. When they
get
home, they sit in front of the television or their computers and play video games. Not
only
is this an unhealthy pastime, it
also
gives them time to
eat
more junk
food
. What they need is to go outside and play active games or sport.

The two views discussed play an equal role in contributing to the problem,
but
I
think
we
have to
encourage young
people
to be more active,
as well
as steering them away from
fast
food
outlets and
bad
eating habits. We need to have a balanced approach.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of overweight children in developed countries is increasing. Some people think this is due to problems such as the growing number of fast food outlets. Others believe that parents are to blame for not looking after their children's health. v. 12

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
361 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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