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The number of old people is increasing. Some think this will cause problems for countries while others believe old people still have value. Discuss both views and give your own opinion v.1

The number of old people is increasing. Some think this will cause problems for countries while others believe old people still have value. 1
It is commonly considered by many that the increasing number of elderly people is becoming a burden for the government, whereas others tend to oppose this idea and believe that old people has wide knowledge and experience, which could be used to tackle modern problems. This essay will discuss both points of views before reaching at the conclusion. To begin with, those who opine that increase in senior citizens has led various problems for countries can easily point out the cost of elderly welfare programmes. That is to say, government has to support its elderly people by taking care of their basic necessities such as food, clothing and shelter. Additionally, government has to provide financial assistance for the medical treatment of its people. This is definitely a burden for the government as old people are not contributing towards the economic growth of a country in any way. On the other hand, some people believe that old people still have wide knowledge and experience, that could be used by youngsters to resolve their problems. In other words, the elderly, people can be considered as a best advisor because they offer the best guidance by considering all the consequences of a specific problem. For instance, I remember when I was in grade five and I had a fight with my friend due to her bad behaviour, my grandfather was the one, who resolved our issue by teaching both of us the true value of friendship. To conclude, I believe the elderly people should not be considered as a burden by the government as they also have contributed towards the national economy by paying taxes in their young age. Moreover, the government should use the knowledge and experience of elderly people to solve real world problems.
It is
commonly
considered by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that the increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is becoming a burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, whereas others tend to oppose this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
wide knowledge and experience, which could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to tackle modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. This essay will discuss both points of views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
reaching at the conclusion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, those who opine that increase in senior citizens has led various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
for countries can
easily
point out the cost of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
welfare
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
That is
to say,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
support its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by taking care of their
Consider using "necessities".
basic necessities
such as food, clothing and shelter.
Additionally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
provide financial assistance for the medical treatment of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This is definitely a burden for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not contributing towards the economic growth of a country in any way.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
still
have wide knowledge and experience, that could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by youngsters to resolve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
In other words
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
be considered
as
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best advisor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they offer the best guidance by considering all the consequences of a specific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
For instance
, I remember when I was in grade five and I had a fight with my friend due to her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, my grandfather was the one, who resolved our issue by teaching both of us the true value of friendship.

To conclude
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not
be considered
as a burden by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
as they
also
have contributed towards the national economy by paying taxes in their young age.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the knowledge and experience of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to solve real world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The number of old people is increasing. Some think this will cause problems for countries while others believe old people still have value. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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