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Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.9

Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 9
Some people argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of festivals, and these people treat them as opportunities to have fun. While I agree that enjoyment seems to be the priority during these festival periods. I do not agree that people have forgotten what these festivals mean. On the one hand, traditional or religious festivals have certainly become times for celebrations. In the UK, Christmas is a good example of these festival periods when people most concerned with shopping, giving and receiving presents, decorating their homes, and enjoying traditional meals with their families. Moreover, most people look forward to Christmas as a holiday period, rather than a time to practise religion. We can see the same behaviour in non-religious festivals, such as Bonfire Nights. People more likely associate this occasion by making fires, watching firework display, and attending events in their local parks. In other words, enjoyment seems to be everyone's a primary goal during these festival times. However, I disagree that people have forgotten the underlying meaning of these festivals. In the UK primary school, children tend to learn in detail about the reasons for celebrating Christmas, Easter and a variety of festivals in other religions. For instance, in late December, children sing Christmas songs which have a religious content, and they also perform various nativity play on Jesus's birth. In addition to this, families also play a vital role in passing knowledge of religion's greater significance on to the next generations. It is true same for traditional religions such as Bonfire Nights and Halloween, where people usually learn about these festivals at an early age. In conclusion, although people, mainly consider festivals as a time to enjoy themselves, I believe that they still aware why we celebrate these festivals.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that we no longer remember the original meaning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, and these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
treat them as opportunities to have fun.
“While” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
While
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that enjoyment seems to be the priority during these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
periods. I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten what these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
mean.

On the one hand, traditional or religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
have
certainly
become times for celebrations. In the UK, Christmas is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
periods when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
most concerned with shopping, giving and receiving presents, decorating their homes, and enjoying traditional meals with their families.
Moreover
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
look forward to Christmas as a holiday period,
rather
than a time to
Possible spelling mistake. 'practise' is British English.
practise
religion. We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the same
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
in non-religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
, such as Bonfire Nights.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
more likely associate this occasion by making fires, watching firework display, and attending
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
in their local parks.
In other words
, enjoyment seems to be everyone's a primary goal during these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festival
times.

However
, I disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have forgotten the underlying meaning of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
. In the UK primary school, children tend to learn in detail about the reasons for celebrating Christmas, Easter and a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
in other religions.
For instance
, in late December, children sing Christmas songs which have a religious content, and they
also
perform various nativity play on Jesus's birth.
In addition
to this, families
also
play a vital role in passing knowledge of religion's greater significance on to the
next
generations. It is true same for traditional religions such as Bonfire Nights and Halloween, where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
learn about these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
at an early age.

In conclusion
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
mainly
consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
as a time to enjoy themselves, I believe that they
still
aware why we celebrate these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
festivals
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Most people have forgotten the meaning behind traditional or religious festivals: during festival periods, people nowadays only want to enjoy themselves. with this opinion? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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