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the number of countires, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. discuss both th v.1

the number of countires, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. 1
As far as we all know that when we reach the age of sixty or above, our bodies will get to another level of our life. In other words, we will be old in that period of life. However, there is an idea about people should be allowed to continue their work as long as they prefer to, and not be forced to retire or get out of their works when they reach 60 or 65. From my point of view, I disagree with this idea for many reasons, described in the following essays To begin with, I strongly believe that people of these ages should not work when they reach 60 or 65 because of their bodies. When their bodies get into these ages, they will not resist or stand to the hard-working anymore. In other words, they cannot work like before. If all of them can remember when they are twenty, they can work so well with their energies. However, when they are sixty, they will be tired every single time after they finished the works. Their bodies should have relaxation more than before. Moreover, there are more possibilities that they can get into the hospital to cure their serious consequences after they work too hard. For example, if their bodies have a limited number of times at eight hours a day, but they work for twelve hours a day, they can get a serious effect on their life. Thus, people should stay at home to relax. Besides, there has been a lot of cases that their salaries are dropped because the new generation of people nowadays has many skills that can suitable for the office more than the elders. Therefore, the headman of their office decreases the number of their salaries because their talents are not useful like the new generation of people. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with this viewpoint since it seems to be that the drawbacks of being elders and working hard in these ages are tough for them. In simple terms, People in 60 or 65 should relax at home and stay calm. It will have more benefits to stay at home for them.
As far as we all know that when we reach the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of sixty or above, our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to another level of our life.
In other words
, we will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
in that period of life.
However
, there is an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
as long as they prefer to, and not
be forced
to retire or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
out of their works when they reach 60 or 65. From my point of view, I disagree with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
in the following
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
essays


To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
should not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
when they reach 60 or 65
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
. When their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, they will not resist or stand to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working anymore.
In other words
, they cannot
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. If all of them can remember when they are twenty, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
well with their energies.
However
, when they are sixty, they will
be tired
every single time after they finished the works. Their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
should have relaxation more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Moreover
, there are more possibilities that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
into the hospital to cure their serious
The usual preposition to use after "consequences" is not "after". Did you mean "consequences of", "consequences for", or "consequences on"?
consequences after
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
.
For example
, if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
bodies
have a limited number of times at eight hours a day,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
for twelve hours a day, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a serious effect on their life.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should stay at home to relax.

Besides
, there has been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
cases that their salaries
are dropped
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the new generation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that can suitable for the office more than the elders.
Therefore
, the headman of their office decreases the number of their salaries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their talents are not useful like the new generation of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
disagree with this viewpoint since it seems to be that the drawbacks of being elders and working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
in these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
are tough for them. In simple terms,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
in 60 or 65 should relax at home and stay calm. It will have more benefits to stay at home for them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the number of countires, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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