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Completing university education is though by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion v.2

Completing university education is though by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. 2
Education and professional career are interdependent. Many people opine that completing education can help you a fetch a good job, however there are others who counter this view and claim that professional experience and soft skills are more important. University Education is meant to provide theoretical knowledge in the subject which we are interested. After completing graduation, when we apply for jobs, this knowledge comes very handy in explaining what we know about our area of interest. Although we couldn’t showcase our practical exposure, knowledge we gather during our curriculum can be enough to get our first job. Also, many big Industries during their recruitment process short list candidates based on educational qualification, since this is the best way to segregate the right applicants from numerous applications they have received. It is during these phase that having an education qualification gives an edge over others. However, after we get our first break it all depends on how we work in the organisation and what we learn, that helps us to succeed further in our career. Our second job or promotions depends not only on the level of education but also on our professional experience and what kind of skills we have developed during our tenure in the organisation. Many prominent business leaders like Elon Musk of Tesla have regularly emphasised on experience over education also, many successful business founders like Mark Zukerburg of Facebook are college dropouts. In Conclusion, I do believe university education can help us to get our first big break of our career, however it if very important after that how professionally we develop ourselves to succeed. And even though we may not have an educational degree, but with good practical knowledge and willingness to learn we can still get our desired job.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
and professional career are interdependent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
opine that completing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
you a fetch a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
,
however
there are others who counter this view and claim that professional experience and soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
.

University
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Education
is meant
to provide theoretical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
in the subject which we
are interested
. After completing graduation, when we apply for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
, this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
handy in explaining what we know about our area of interest. Although we couldn’t showcase our practical exposure,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
we gather during our curriculum can be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
Industries during their recruitment process short list candidates based on educational qualification, since this is the best way to segregate the right applicants from numerous applications they have received. It is during these phase that having an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
qualification gives an edge over others.

However
, after we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our
first
break it all depends on how we work in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
and what we learn, that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us to succeed
further
in our career. Our second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or promotions depends not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on the level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
on our professional experience and what kind of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
we have developed during our tenure in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
prominent business leaders like Elon Musk of Tesla have
regularly
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
on experience over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
also
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
successful business founders like Mark
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zukerburg
of Facebook are college dropouts.

In Conclusion
, I do believe university
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
us to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our
first
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
break of our career,
however
it if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
after that how
professionally
we develop ourselves to succeed. And
even though
we may not have an educational degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
knowledge
and willingness to learn we can
still
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
our desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Completing university education is though by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand people think that getting experience and developing soft skills is more important. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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