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Overpopulation is a major problem in many urban centres around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve the issue of overpopulation? v.2

Overpopulation is a major problem in many urban centres around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve the issue of overpopulation? v. 2
It is common knowledge that increasing amounts of individuals in capitals worldwide is a serious issue. The main impact of this dilemma is overcrowding. In this essay I will hi light the problems and suggest some possible solutions. Overcrowded cities have a negative impact in pollution and jobs chances. First of all, pollution for both, air and water are extremely serious, because resources are more consumed and waste are more created. In addition, another factor Leeds to increase atmospheric pollution is increasing the greenhouse gases level by burning fossil fuel which. To site an example of this, the research done by Huddersfield University, gives information about rising global warming refers to increase consumption of carbon dioxide emissions by automobile. Another serious consequence of overpopulation is lack of jobs opportunities. Mover ( emigrants) from various rural areas are accepting work in a very poor conditions and they have shown flexibility and they tolerate working for long hours without having a rest. Unfortunately, they work with a minimum wages in order to pay daily life experiences. According to the Guardian’s newspaper, in 2018, 75% of job vacancies in London were fallen by migrants. In terms of solution, I believe the government should be largely responsible. Firstly, it is vital that provides essential needs for all rural places. For example, adequate funding on educations and health services must be done. That is because, offering a suitable and satisfy lifestyle would encourage people to settle in the area of origin. Secondly, local individuals with help of the council could play a major role for addressing those troubles. Opening small projects and companies will help to occupy young people and give them a vast amount of benefits and provide development for everyone. To conclude, it is clear that the problems caused by overpopulation in urban area are very serious. Unless, if governments and individuals collaborate and share a collective responsibility, then it may become possible to offer some solutions.
It is common knowledge that increasing amounts of individuals in capitals worldwide is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
issue. The main impact of this dilemma is overcrowding. In this essay I
The word 'hi' is a noun or an adjective. A verb or adverb is missing or misspelled here, or maybe a comma is missing.
will hi
light the problems and suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible solutions.

Overcrowded cities have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact in pollution and jobs chances.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, pollution for both, air and water are
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
resources are more consumed and waste are more created.
In addition
, another factor Leeds to increase atmospheric pollution is increasing the greenhouse gases level by burning fossil fuel which. To site an example of this, the research done by Huddersfield University, gives information about rising global warming refers to increase consumption of carbon dioxide emissions by automobile. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
consequence of overpopulation is lack of jobs opportunities. Mover
Don't put a space after the opening parenthesis
(
emigrants) from various rural areas are accepting work in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
poor
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
conditions and
they have shown
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
flexibility and
they tolerate working for long hours without having a rest. Unfortunately, they work with a minimum wages in order to pay daily life experiences. According to the Guardian’s newspaper, in 2018, 75% of job vacancies in London
were fallen
by migrants.

In terms of solution, I believe the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should be
largely
responsible.
Firstly
, it is vital that provides essential needs for all rural places.
For example
, adequate funding on educations and health services
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be done
.
That is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, offering a suitable and satisfy lifestyle would encourage
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to settle in the area of origin.
Secondly
, local individuals with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
of the council could play a major role for addressing those troubles. Opening
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
projects and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to occupy young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and give them a vast amount of benefits and provide development for everyone.

To conclude
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that the problems caused by overpopulation in urban area are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
serious
. Unless, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and individuals collaborate and share a collective responsibility, then it may become possible to offer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay Overpopulation is a major problem in many urban centres around the world. What problems does this cause? How can we solve the issue of overpopulation? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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