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The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income To what extent do you agree or disagree v.1

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income v. 1
Some folks believe that some stringent rules about rackets should be publicized to prevent noise pollution, while others think that they have the right to make any sound they want. From my perspective, I agree that noise should be put under control. In some cases, noise should be allowed to make for people’s justifiable needs. Firstly, at some public events such as football matches or festivals, cheering and singing are essential things, we cannot ban noise because these are the occasions for people to relax and have fun. Secondly, these days, there are various types of equipment that could block noise such as soundproofing doors, windows and foam panels. These give people the freedom to roister without disturbing others. However, they are not always applied everywhere, thus, uproar could still be made and annoy surrounding people. These following reasons explain why I think there should be strict controls about noise. First of all, rumpuses affect other people’s health and repose considerably. By this I mean, they can cause hearing loss or sleep disturbances if the noise is too loud and long-lasting. Furthermore, it is so impolite and ill-mannered to influence people’s work. Take my English class as an example. Our class’s location is near a house which always sings karaoke loudly in our studying time. As a result, some of the students are distracted, they cannot pay full attention to the lessons and especially, the listening sections. In conclusion, from my point of view, although people have the right to make noise, it should be limited to avoid affecting others’ health and peacefulness.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
stringent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
about rackets should
be publicized
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
pollution, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
any sound they want. From my perspective, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should
be put
under control.

In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
justifiable needs.
Firstly
, at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
public
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
such as football matches or festivals, cheering and singing are essential things, we cannot ban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these are the occasions for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to relax and have fun.
Secondly
, these days, there are various types of equipment that could block
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
such as soundproofing doors, windows and foam panels. These give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the freedom to roister without disturbing others.
However
, they are not always applied everywhere,
thus
, uproar could
still
be made
and annoy surrounding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

These following reasons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there should be strict controls about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, rumpuses affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health and repose
considerably
. By this I mean, they can cause hearing loss or sleep disturbances if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
is too loud and long-lasting.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
impolite and ill-mannered to influence
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
work. Take my English
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
as an example. Our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
’s location is near a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
which always sings karaoke
loudly
in our studying time.
As a result
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
students
are distracted
, they cannot pay full attention to the lessons and
especially
, the listening sections.

In conclusion
, from my point of view, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have the right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
noise
, it should
be limited
to avoid affecting others’ health and peacefulness.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
263 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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