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q6. Camouflage. Using points and examples from the lecture explain two different types of camouflage. v.1

q6. Camouflage. Using points and examples from the lecture explain two different types of camouflage. v. 1
These days the proportion of the young group is inclined to be larger compared to the elder. Although some people suppose that this imbalance can bring about many drawbacks, I would argue that its benefits still outweigh its disadvantages. On the one hand, there are many drawbacks of the youthful population. Firstly, it is obvious that there would be a high competition in the job market between young people. This would cause an oversupply of labour, probably resulting in large-scale unemployment. For example, many freshly graduated students are unable to receive a job in the market due to the fact that due to the intense race for job seeking. Secondly, there would be some pressure on housing and public services. The young require a larger amount of services. However, the governing sources would not be enough for providing reliable transport systems or rents for everyone as a result of increasing populations. On the other hand, the society with young individuals have lots of benefits. The young population would create a high-energy source of labour. In other words, young people are dynamic, smart and active, who are eager to learn and make progress. This would meet essential requirements of employers. In addition, young people have been accustomed to adopting advanced technologies and innovation. They would, therefore, apply them in working, increasing productivity and boosting the economy. Furthermore, the government can collect more taxes as an increase in young people will lead to a rise in the number of citizens who have to pay tax. In conclusion, although the tendency of increasing young people in the population has both advantages and disadvantages, it still brings more merits to society.
These days the proportion of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
group
is inclined
to be larger compared to the elder. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suppose that this imbalance can bring about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks, I would argue that its benefits
still
outweigh its disadvantages.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drawbacks of the youthful population.
Firstly
, it is obvious that there would be a high competition in the job market between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. This would cause an
oversupply
of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
,
probably
resulting in large-scale unemployment.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
freshly
graduated students are unable to receive a job in the market due to the fact that due to the intense race for job seeking.
Secondly
, there would be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pressure on housing and public services. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
require a larger amount of services.
However
, the governing sources would not be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for providing reliable transport systems or rents for everyone
as a result
of increasing populations.

On the other hand
, the society with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals have lots of benefits. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
population would create a high-energy source of
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
.
In other words
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are dynamic, smart and active, who are eager to learn and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
progress. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
essential requirements of employers.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
been accustomed
to adopting advanced technologies and innovation. They would,
therefore
, apply them in working, increasing productivity and boosting the economy.
Furthermore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can collect more taxes as an increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will lead to a rise in the number of citizens who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
pay tax.

In conclusion
, although the tendency of increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the population has both advantages and disadvantages, it
still
brings more merits to society.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
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Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay q6. Camouflage. Using points and examples from the lecture explain two different types of camouflage. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
277 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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