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The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. v. 2
It is undeniable that high salaries are often considered as the most vital factor when signing for a job. Although some people might argue that it is not essential, I would strongly say that it should have considered the most for a couple of reasons. To begin with, the vast majority of people around the globe are opting to have an appropriate income in order to fulfil their needs and wants despite any uncomfortable factors, such as job satisfaction. The reason behind this is that people with higher wages will often live within a comfortable and pleasant lifestyle and therefore happiness will be reflected on the family members. For instance, well-paid people will not need to be mortgaged to the banks and thus no struggles will be faced concerning loans. However, if loans or debts are being faced by such people, they will not live in happiness and joy. Furthermore, people with high salaries are often having the ability to pay their monthly bills, including water, electricity and heat, without having them as priorities. The reason with the fact that is they knew that a plenty of money will be credited to their accounts at the end of every month. On the contrary, people in the developing countries are being loaned to the banks so that to pay a water bill due to lacking money. Moreover, these people are struggling to ensure that their governments will not get to cut the electricity due to an unpaid bill. To conclude, high wages are considered to be one of the most crucial factors for people to live. Consequently, these people will find the life much easier without thinking twice when buying something or paying a need.
It is undeniable that high salaries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
considered as the most vital factor when signing for a job. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
might argue that it is not essential, I would
strongly
say that it should have considered the most for a couple of reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around the globe are opting to have an appropriate income in order to fulfil their needs and wants despite any uncomfortable factors, such as job satisfaction. The reason behind this is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with higher wages will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
within a comfortable and pleasant lifestyle and
therefore
happiness will
be reflected
on the family members.
For instance
, well-paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not need to
be mortgaged
to the banks and
thus
no struggles will
be faced
concerning loans.
However
, if loans or debts are
being faced
by such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, they will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in happiness and joy.

Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with high salaries are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
having the ability to pay their monthly bills, including water, electricity and heat, without having them as priorities. The reason with the fact
that is
they knew that a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of money will
be credited
to their accounts at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of every month.
On the contrary
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
are
being loaned
to the banks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that to pay a water bill due to lacking money.
Moreover
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are struggling to ensure that their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the electricity due to an unpaid bill.

To conclude
, high wages
are considered
to be one of the most crucial factors for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will find the life much easier without thinking twice when buying something or paying a need.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a high income. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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