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Some people think playing computer games is bad for children on everything. Others think it has some positive on the way children develop. Discuss both sides and give your opinion. v.2

Some people think playing computer games is bad for children on everything. Others think it has some positive on the way children develop. v. 2
Computer games are quite popular among teenagers. A number of people think this has bad influence on every aspect of the child. A few think it has some positive impact on the child’s growth. In my opinion, playing computer games certainly helps them to develop certain skills but that is at the expense of their health. To begin with, games have been the fundamental way of teaching skills to children. Growth in technology made computer games popular among teenagers. In addition to that, playing puzzle based or strategic games develop soft skills and team build techniques. Simultaneously, virtual games have made it possible for juveniles to meet like minded people and share ideas with them. For instance, the research paper published by “Stanford University” states that children who play video games are 10 times more productive and multitasking than their peers who do not play games. On the other hand, spending a great deal of time playing games will lead to several health related issues among children. Problems such as, back pain, joint pain and eye strain are common because most of the games played using computer require the player to sit and stare at the screen all the time. To illustrate, the number of children wearing spectacles has increased after computer games became more popular. In conclusion, no doubt there are some pros involved in playing video games. However, these skills are achieved at the cost of health, proper care should be taken to overcome such issues so that children can enjoy quality time playing and learning.
Computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are quite popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
. A number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influence on every aspect of the child. A few
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the child’s growth. In my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them to develop certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
that is
at the expense of their health.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have been the fundamental way of teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Growth in technology made computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
popular among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.
In addition
to that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
puzzle based or strategic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
develop soft
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and team build techniques.
Simultaneously
, virtual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have made it possible for juveniles to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
like minded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and share
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
with them.
For instance
, the research paper published by “Stanford University” states that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who play video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are 10
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
more productive and multitasking than their peers who do not play games.

On the other hand
, spending a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will lead to
Possible agreement error. The noun health seems to be uncountable; consider using: "some health".
several health
related issues among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Problems such as, back pain, joint pain and eye strain are common
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
played using computer require the player to sit and stare at the screen all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. To illustrate, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
wearing spectacles has increased after computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
became more popular.

In conclusion
, no doubt there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
pros involved in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
.
However
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
are achieved
at the cost of health, proper care should
be taken
to overcome such issues
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can enjoy quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
playing
and learning.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is not a genetic gift, it is a social gift. Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people think playing computer games is bad for children on everything. Others think it has some positive on the way children develop. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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