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The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v.3

The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v. 3
I fully agree with the given statement as monetary help often failed to improve the condition of poor nations. So other forms of improvement schemes and help could be a better solution to help the poor countries. It is true that donation provided by rich countries has not solved the problem of poverty in the developing country like Bhutan, Afghanistan etc. It is important to understand why rich countries provide money. The reasons behind this are to accelerate development of poor countries by establishing industries, tourism and others pre -requisites. Some of the causes for failure of donation programme are corruption, poor governance, scarcity of skilled population and lack of proper planning. Firstly, corruption is mostly prevalent in the developing countries like Nepal, Congo etc.   according to data of the Transparency International. Most importantly, corruption is deeply rooted in almost all fields like health sector, civil service etc. and exists involvement of simple clerks to high-level bureaucrats and politicians. The cause of corruption may be rooted to the lack of handsome salary, lack of severe punishments, selfishness and the slack of rules and laws etc.   If money allocated for development projects is misused, then the quality of the projects reduced or it may not be finished in time. In fact, scenarios like these affect the rate of development in the developing countries. Secondly, the sustainable and harmonious development cannot be achieved without effective and efficient administration which is lagging in the poor countries. Succeeding any projects is a daunting task for management committees. At first, the problems arise at the local levels where local people ask for unfeasible demands such as the job for each household, high compensation of lands etc. If these problems are addressed, then, other problems like the strike of employees occur or negligence of contractor occurs. Is it possible to complete projects at the specified time? No, it takes decades to complete the projects or strands in the middle forever. Thirdly, there are problems in formulating plans and policies. Even though they are formulated, the authorities cannot implement in a scientific way. So, funds freeze for next financial year. These are only some instances how money provided by donors is used. Education, expertise support, training, monitoring the development, conducting research, establishing factories are better alternative than giving money to the poor nations and these should be embraced by the rich nations to truly help the poor countries.
I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
statement as monetary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
failed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the condition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
other forms of improvement schemes and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
could be a better solution to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
countries.

It is true that donation provided by rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has not solved the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
of poverty in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
like Bhutan, Afghanistan etc. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to understand why rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. The reasons behind this are to accelerate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
by establishing industries, tourism
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
Possible spelling mistake found.
pre
-requisites.
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
Some of the
causes for failure of donation
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
governance, scarcity of skilled population and lack of proper planning.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
is
mostly
prevalent in the developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
like Nepal, Congo etc.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
according to data of the Transparency International. Most
importantly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
is
deeply
rooted in almost all fields like health sector, civil service etc. and exists involvement of simple clerks to high-level bureaucrats and politicians. The cause of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
corruption
may
be rooted
to the lack of handsome salary, lack of severe punishments, selfishness and the slack of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and laws etc.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
allocated for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
is misused
, then the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
or it may not
be finished
in time. In fact, scenarios like these affect the rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developing countries
.

Secondly
, the sustainable and harmonious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
cannot
be achieved
without effective and efficient administration which is lagging in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Succeeding any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
is a daunting task for management committees. At
first
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
arise at the local levels where local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ask for
unfeasible demands such as the job for each household, high compensation of lands etc. If these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
are addressed
, then, other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
like the strike of employees
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "occurs"? (Some collective nouns can be treated as both singular and plural, so 'occur' is not always incorrect.)
occur
or negligence of contractor occurs. Is it possible to complete
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
at the specified time? No, it takes decades to complete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
projects
or strands in the middle forever.

Thirdly
, there are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in formulating plans and policies.
Even though
they
are formulated
, the authorities cannot implement
Consider replacing "in a scientific way" with the adverb for "scientific"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a scientific way
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, funds freeze for
next
financial year. These are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
instances how
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
provided by donors is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
.

Education, expertise support, training, monitoring the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
development
, conducting research, establishing factories are better alternative than giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
nations and these should
be embraced
by the rich nations to
truly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay The money given to help poor countries does not solve the problem of poverty, so rich countries should give other types of help instead. v. 3

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
403 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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