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The mobile phone is used both for work and personal phone calls at all times of the day, every day of the week. Do you think this has more positive or negative effects both for inviduals and society? v.2

The mobile phone is used both for work and personal phone calls at all times of the day, every day of the week. Do you think this has more positive or negative effects both for inviduals and society? v. 2
It is true that the mobile phones are now used all the time for business and individual phone calls. Although, there are many negative impacts both for individual and society. But I would argued that these are outweight by positive impacts. On the one hand, there is one major issues of negative impacts for almost people nowadays to humorous in live with others. Firstly, many people usually tend to make small tasks on loud voice who is certainly effect on other people in surrounding public garden or theme park. Secondly, mobile phone is also an unhealthy life for some people. Because, it is attract a large number of user for working on the internet or chit chat with their friends day to day. For example, people is always spend much time for smart phone will be able to have more brain disease or autism. On the other hand, Firstly, in some developed countries, technological computer or mobile phones are always update up to minutes. Thus a large amount of people tend to communicate with others by smart devices. Its more faster and convenient in high-speed communications. Secondly, obvious advantages are instantly set up in some groups to connect with others and it update information more faster and easily to tackle in some crucial issues. For instance, such as a examination of “ielts” test, the results sent to joiner on the computer and a mobile phones make a difference in method can apply for any examination. In conclusion, mobile phone play an important role for almost people in over the world now. But there are both negative or positive impact in their life, thus we should control mobile phone more reasonable to tackle emergent issues effectively.
It is true that the mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
all the time for business and individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
calls. Although, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts both for individual and society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
I would
The verb 'would' requires the base form of the verb: "argue"
argued
that these are
Possible spelling mistake found.
outweight
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts.

On the one hand, there is one major issues of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts for almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays to humorous in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with others.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
tasks on loud voice who is
certainly
effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in surrounding public garden or theme park.
Secondly
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
is
also
an unhealthy life for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
, it is
Consider using a past participle here: "attracted".
attract
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
user for working on the internet or
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
chit chat
with their friends day to day.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
always spend much time for smart
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
will be able to have more brain disease or autism.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
Firstly
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, technological computer or mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
are always
Consider using a past participle here: "updated".
update
up to minutes.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to communicate with others by smart devices. Its
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
and convenient in high-speed communications.
Secondly
, obvious advantages are
instantly
set up in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups to connect with others and it
Did you mean "updates"?
update
information
Use only "faster" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more faster
and
easily
to tackle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
crucial issues.
For instance
, such as
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
examination of “
Possible spelling mistake found.
ielts
”
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
test
, the results
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to joiner on the computer and a mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phones
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a difference in method can apply for any examination.

In conclusion
, mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
play an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role for almost
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in over the world
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in their life,
thus
we should control mobile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
phone
more reasonable to tackle emergent issues
effectively
.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
17Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes

IELTS essay The mobile phone is used both for work and personal phone calls at all times of the day, every day of the week. Do you think this has more positive or negative effects both for inviduals and society? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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