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The media should include more stories which report good news. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.2

The media should include more stories which report good news. v. 2
Some people believe that news channels should focus more on covering good news rather than bad news. While the benefit of positive stories cannot be refused, however, I will challenge this school of thoughts for several reasons. Granted, one might argue that good news always has positive effects on the general public. This is predicated on the assumption that these kind of news help people to maintain a good mental state, which create more positive energy. . . . However this line of reasoning is not sound since not all the stories with good content are attractive enough for everyone, no matter how meaningful they might be, some viewers even find them very boring. Take “Nguoi tu te” which is a program used to be broadcasted on VTV3 as an example. This program only talked inspiring stories about people who maintain a positive outlook on life, even in the face of adversity. As a result of failing to attract viewers, this show had been closed after only 2 months since the day it was aired. On the other hand, reporting tragic news such as civil war, natural disaster, climate change and terrorist attack, for example, may sadden the viewers and make them have a bad impression in their mind, but these atrocious events still are a part of reality in the Earth that we cannot ignore. Although some sensational journalisms may at time exaggerate, it is important to equip the citizens with much-need knowledge that can help them stay aware of countless problems and take actions accordingly. Having an objective view towards life is crucial for any healthy development of the society and economy. In conclusion, news reporters should give emphasis on telecasting bad news instead of good news.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
channels should focus more on covering
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
. While the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
stories cannot
be refused
,
however
, I will challenge this school of thoughts for several reasons.

Granted, one might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
always has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
effects on the
Consider using "public".
general public
. This
is predicated
on the assumption that
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
mental state, which create more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
energy.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
this line of reasoning is not sound since not all the stories with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
content are attractive
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for everyone, no matter how meaningful they might be,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
viewers even find them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
boring. Take “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Nguoi
Possible spelling mistake found.
tu
Possible spelling mistake found.
te
” which is a program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to
be broadcasted
on VTV3 as an example. This program
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
talked inspiring stories about
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who maintain a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
positive
outlook on life, even in the face of adversity.
As a result
of failing to attract viewers, this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
had
been closed
after
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
2 months since the day it
was aired
.

On the other hand
, reporting tragic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
such as civil war, natural disaster, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and terrorist attack,
for example
, may sadden the viewers and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them have a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impression in their mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
these atrocious
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
still
are a part of reality in the Earth that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sensational
Possible spelling mistake found.
journalisms
may at time exaggerate, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to equip the citizens with much-need knowledge that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them stay aware of countless problems and take actions
accordingly
. Having an objective view towards life is crucial for any healthy development of the society and economy.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
reporters should give emphasis on telecasting
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
instead
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
10Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay The media should include more stories which report good news. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
289 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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