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Climate change is an issue. Do you agree with this? v.3

Climate change is an issue. Do you agree with this? v. 3
I usually spend my weekends resting, watching films and sometimes walking in parks. I like Saturdays because Sunday is the day before Monday. I don't think weekends are long enough especially if you have to deal with housework and so on. Weekends should have been started by Friday. It is very important to have enough free time at weekends because every person should have the right to rest and spare time for himself/herself. I want to talk about my father. He is my father, and we are living in the same apartment, so I spent much time with him. I can say that I know him well. I think my father is good at dealing with issues and keeping himself calm when encountered stressful situations. When compared to my mother and me, he is a very mature person. He knows how to overcome problems, and he is able to keep himself calm even if he realises he is unable to solve a problem. I think people want to be good at technology, especially at the computer because we are now living in the technology age, and everything is connected to computers and the internet. The better you are at those, the lesser you can encounter with problems. Children should learn how to act properly outside in schools, it is an important skill to gain in one's early ages. One of the best places to teach that is the school. Also, parents should learn their children how to interact with other people, how to behave well because first teachers of children are not teachers, but parents. I think the skills are needed most change very quickly nowadays, so the most important skill is likely to adapt quickly.
I
usually
spend my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
resting, watching films and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
walking in parks.

I like Saturdays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Sunday is the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
Monday.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
I
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
are long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
especially
if you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with housework and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Weekends
should have been
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
by Friday.

It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
free time at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weekends
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
every person should have the right to rest and spare time for himself/herself.

I want to talk about my father. He is my father, and we are living in the same apartment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
I spent much time with him. I can say that I know him well. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
my father is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at dealing with issues and keeping himself calm when encountered stressful situations. When compared to my mother and me, he is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
mature person. He knows how to overcome problems, and he is able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
himself calm even if he
Possible spelling mistake. 'realises' is British English.
realises
he is unable to solve a problem.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
at technology,
especially
at the computer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
living in the technology age, and everything
is connected
to computers and the internet. The better you are at those, the lesser you can encounter with problems.

Children should learn how to act
properly
outside in schools, it is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
to gain in one's early ages. One of the best places to teach
that is
the school.
Also
, parents should learn their children how to interact with other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, how to behave well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
first
teachers of children are not teachers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents.

I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
are needed
most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
quickly
nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
is likely to adapt
quickly
.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages knows nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay Climate change is an issue. Do you agree with this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
8 paragraphs
286 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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