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Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree? v.23

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 23
Income has always been an essential factor in life. Some people believe it is necessary to have a higher wage rather than to be happy with your job. I slightly agree with this idea and will discuss my opinion in this essay. As far as I am concerned, people work to earn. Money is needed in this competitive world and having a luxurious life is expensive. For example, a good school for children has high fees and without high wage children cannot be sent there. But it also needs to be mentioned that a high earning needs more work pressure and work hours. Increased work hours results in less time for family being together. Thereby, family disruption and health-challenging problems can be considered as the ramifications of High wages. Hence, money is always tempting, but also hard to achieve. Without a shadow of doubt, job satisfaction brings you a delightful sense that cannot be changed with money. When a person is happy with his job, efficiency increases significantly and there are no compulsory on doing the job. Being in the area of own's interest makes every step of success easy and pleasant. Mental disorder is less seen in people who their job appeals to them. So, a healthy life style, good relationships and fast-paced success is the benefits of job satisfaction. In conclusion, I believe, although without money life is difficult, it is not everything. Money does not bring happiness, but when we are satisfied with our jobs we bring joy to the environment around us.
Income has always been an essential factor in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe it is necessary to have a higher wage
rather
than to be happy with your
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. I
slightly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will discuss my opinion in this essay.

As far as I
am concerned
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
is needed
in this competitive world and having a luxurious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is expensive.
For example
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
school for children has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
fees and without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
wage children cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
there.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
also
needs to
be mentioned
that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
earning needs more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
pressure and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours. Increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
hours results in less time for family being together. Thereby, family disruption and health-challenging problems can
be considered
as the ramifications of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
High
wages.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is always tempting,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve.

Without a shadow of doubt,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction brings you a delightful sense that cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. When a person is happy with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, efficiency increases
significantly
and there are no
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "compulsories"?
compulsory
on doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. Being in the area of
Do not use 's with a verb. Did you mean "owns"?
own's
interest
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
every step of success easy and pleasant. Mental disorder is less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
appeals to them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, a healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
relationships and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced success is the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction.

In conclusion
, I believe, although without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is difficult, it is not everything.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
does not bring happiness,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
when we
are satisfied
with our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
we bring joy to
Consider using "the surrounding environment".
the environment around us
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. v. 23

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
256 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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