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The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005 v.1

The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005 v. 1
Some argue that erasing an individual's criminal record once they reach legal age is the right thing to do. This essay partially agrees with that opinion and believes that such a person should be given a clean slate upon reaching adulthood, depending on the severity of the crime. However, in the case of serious offences, this should not be done. Minors who have committed petty crimes such as shoplifting or vandalism should be entitled to a clean record once they become adults. Adolescents often lack maturity and discipline, which is why they sometimes make mistakes that they regret later in life. These mistakes should not be held against them forever as it prevents them from having a better quality of life. Even a tiny black mark on a person's criminal record can stop them from getting admitted in a reputed college or firm, which is extremely unfair to them. For example, a survey conducted by Queen's University found, that 61% of individuals who committed minor offences when they were young, were not offered white-collar jobs. However, if the offence is serious, like rape or murder, a person's criminal history should always be maintained. Felonies committed by juveniles that are a threat to, or result in the loss of, human life should always be on the records. These offences are far too grave, and therefore, authorities shouldn't risk erasing them from their database as it could assist in solving crimes that might be done by them in the future. To illustrate, according to Wikipedia, in more than 700 murder cases, police officials referenced the convict's rap sheet as a starting point for their investigation in the year 2009. In conclusion, a person's rap sheet should be free of past charges once they become adults, in the case of petty crimes to give them a fair shot at building a good life for themselves, but not for serious felonies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
argue that erasing an individual's criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
once they reach legal age is the right thing to do. This essay
partially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with that opinion and believes that such a person should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a clean slate upon reaching adulthood, depending on the severity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
.
However
, in the case of serious
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
, this should not
be done
.

Minors who have committed petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as shoplifting or vandalism should
be entitled
to a clean
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
once they become adults. Adolescents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
lack maturity and discipline, which is why they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes that they regret later in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. These mistakes should not
be held
against them forever as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevents
them from having a better quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Even a tiny black mark on a person's criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
record
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
them from getting admitted in a reputed college or firm, which is
extremely
unfair to them.
For example
, a survey conducted by Queen's University found, that 61% of individuals who committed minor
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
when they were young, were not offered white-collar jobs.

However
, if the
Possible spelling mistake. 'offence' is British English.
offence
is serious, like rape or murder, a person's criminal history should always
be maintained
. Felonies committed by juveniles that are a threat to, or result in the loss of, human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
should always be on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
records
. These
Possible spelling mistake. 'offences' is British English.
offences
are far too grave, and
therefore
, authorities shouldn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
erasing them from their database as it could assist in solving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
that might
be done
by them in the future. To illustrate, according to Wikipedia, in more than 700 murder cases, police officials referenced the convict's rap sheet as a starting point for their investigation in the year 2009.

In conclusion
, a person's rap sheet should be free of past charges once they become adults, in the case of petty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
to give them a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
shot at building a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
for themselves,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not for serious felonies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is to the mind more than light is to the eye.
William Gibson

IELTS essay The maps show changes that took place in Youngsville in New Zealand over a 25 year period from 1980 to 2005 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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