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Some people think cities are not good places for children to grow up in and they would have a better childhood in the countryside. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people think cities are not good places for children to grow up in and they would have a better childhood in the countryside. v. 1
Some people use technology to see what other people’s actions through telephone location or security cameras and some people do not realize that they are monitored and losing their privacy. This essay will argue that the benefits of this development far outweigh its drawbacks because monitoring people by using technology can protect them from harmful situations. In recent day, there are many news reported that said people used technology to spread negativity to others. In fact, some people used technology in an inappropriate way with those who are unaware that someone is going into their privacy. For example, some people use technology to get the personal information of others or use it to make terrible activities such as sexual harassment. Therefore, governments should set up an organization to protect people from these consequences and identify those people who use technology to hurt others In contrast, using technology to monitor people can be used as a piece of evidence to prove the truth of situations in order to help to reduce the crime rate or any other problem from bad human habits in our society. To explain, security cameras can be used to solve many problems such as, on ground accidents because It shows what just happened in the past so police can easier identify the right and wrong persons. Moreover, smartphone voice tracking can use as a possible evidence of corruption because it recorded voice conversations between people. In conclusion, the positive effects of using technology to follow people diary activity far outweigh the disadvantages because they help identify the truth, reduce the crime rate, and stop creating corruption in the country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
what
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
actions through telephone location or security cameras and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not realize that they
are monitored
and losing their privacy. This essay will argue that the benefits of this development far outweigh its drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
monitoring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
by using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
can protect them from harmful situations.

In recent day, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun news seems to be uncountable; consider using: "much news", "a good deal of news".
many news
reported that said
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to spread negativity to others. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
Consider replacing "in an inappropriate way" with the adverb for "inappropriate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an inappropriate way
with those who are unaware that someone is going into their privacy.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the personal information of others or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
terrible activities such as sexual harassment.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should set up an organization to protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from these consequences and identify those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to hurt others

In contrast
, using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to monitor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
as a piece of evidence to prove the truth of situations in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate or any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
problem from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
human habits in our society. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
, security cameras can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to solve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems such as, on ground accidents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
happened in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
police can easier identify the right and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
persons.
Moreover
, smartphone voice tracking can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
as a possible evidence of corruption
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it recorded voice conversations between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In conclusion
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
to follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
diary activity far outweigh the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
identify the truth,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the crime rate, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
creating corruption in the country.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think cities are not good places for children to grow up in and they would have a better childhood in the countryside. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
272 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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