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The maps below show recent changes in the town of Kimsville. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, andmake comparisons where relevant v.2

The maps below show recent changes in the town of Kimsville.
Most of the countries have an important health issue, namely obesity, commonly observed in financially stable countries. While most people feel that, obesity is an important issue in rich countries. However, I feel that overweight is a global problem and below I would like to suggest a few solutions to overcome this problem. Firstly, I would recommend homemade food over fast food. As we all know that, people are busy with their lives so they don't spend much time on cooking due to that, they often go to a fast-food restaurant (such as Mc Donald, Burger King, etc. ). Moreover, If the individuals prepare food at their home for some period, then they will lose some body weight. From a recent survey conducted by the New York Times, they came to know that 50 percent of people lost 8 lbs of weight after the people started avoiding outside food. Secondly, I believe one can reduce their obesity by following a good diet. Most people these days are either having high-calorie food or having soft drinks which have more sugar level. If people maintain a healthy diet then it will impact weight loss. For example, many of my friends now preferring vegan food over meat because they have less cholesterol and calories. To conclude, I feel that obesity is a global issue because many people are gaining weight in many countries. I would recommend them to follow these solutions like exercising, having homemade food and maintaining a proper diet to become fit.
Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
health issue,
namely
obesity,
commonly
observed in
financially
stable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. While most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that, obesity is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
issue in rich
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
However
, I feel that overweight is a global problem and below I would like to suggest a few solutions to overcome this problem.

Firstly
, I would recommend homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
over
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. As we all know that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they don't spend much time on cooking due to that, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
go to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food restaurant (such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mc
Donald, Burger King, etc.
Don't put a space before the closing parenthesis
)
.
Moreover
, If the individuals prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at their home for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period, then they will lose
Did you mean "somebody"?
some body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. From a recent survey conducted by the New York Times, they came to know that 50 percent of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
lost 8 lbs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
avoiding outside food.

Secondly
, I believe one can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their obesity by following a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
diet. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
these days are either having high-calorie
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
or having soft drinks which have more sugar level. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
maintain a healthy diet then it will impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
loss.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of my friends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
preferring vegan
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
over meat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they have less cholesterol and calories.

To conclude
, I feel that obesity is a global issue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are gaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. I would recommend them to follow these solutions like exercising, having homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and maintaining a proper diet to become fit.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay The maps below show recent changes in the town of Kimsville.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
251 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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