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the maps below show recent changes in the town of Kimsville. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. v.1

the maps below show recent changes in the town of Kimsville.
Recently, purchasing used clothes has become a popular trend, especially among young people. The main reason for this is the shortage of money and, I believe that it is a positive trend as it recycles old clothes, which is beneficial for the environment. To begin with, most of the youngsters these days do not have sufficient money to buy a variety of clothes. The reason for this is unemployment, as many of them do not have a lucrative job to fulfil their desires. Moreover, branded clothes mostly have a high price range which makes them unaffordable for the young generation and thus they prefer to buy the second-hand outfits having cheap rates. To exemplify, owing to the popularity of used clothes among the youngsters, the number of second-hand outfit stores has doubled in the year 2019 in Delhi. Thus, this trend provides the opportunity for the youngsters to try multiple varieties of clothes in low budget. Choosing second-hand clothes is a form of recycling and, in my perspective, it has a positive impact on the environment. This is because, the production of clothes and fabrics involves a usage of chemicals, water and electricity in large quantities, which gradually leads to the over-consumption of natural resources and thus affecting the environment. To illustrate, according to a survey by the ‘Time’, 60% of the chemicals and electricity consumption is done by the clothes manufacturing industries. Therefore, with the usage of second-hand clothes, the production of new ones can be minimised to some extent, helping to reduce negative environmental impacts. In conclusion, more young people are choosing to buy second-hand clothes as they are short of money, and this has a positive impact on the environment by reducing the need to produce and reusing of the old ones.
Recently, purchasing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
has become a popular trend,
especially
among young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. The main reason for this is the shortage of money and, I believe that it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trend as it recycles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, which is beneficial for the environment.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, most of the youngsters these days do not have sufficient money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
The reason for this is
unemployment, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them do not have a lucrative job to fulfil their desires.
Moreover
, branded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
mostly
have a high price range which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them unaffordable for the young generation and
thus
they prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
the second-hand outfits having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
rates. To exemplify, owing to the popularity of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
among the youngsters, the number of second-hand outfit stores has doubled in the year 2019 in Delhi.
Thus
, this trend provides the opportunity for the youngsters to try multiple varieties of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
in low budget.

Choosing second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
is a form of recycling and, in my perspective, it has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the environment. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
and fabrics involves a usage of chemicals, water and electricity in large quantities, which
gradually
leads to the over-consumption of natural resources and
thus
affecting the environment. To illustrate, according to a survey by the ‘Time’, 60% of the chemicals and electricity consumption
is done
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
manufacturing industries.
Therefore
, with the usage of second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, the production of new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
can be
Possible spelling mistake. 'minimised' is British English.
minimised
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent, helping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
environmental impacts.

In conclusion
, more young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are choosing to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
second-hand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
as they are short of money, and this has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the environment by reducing the need to produce and reusing of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay the maps below show recent changes in the town of Kimsville.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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