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The maps below give information about a school site in 2004 and the planning of the same school in 2010 v.1

The maps below give information about a school site in 2004 and the planning of the same school in 2010 v. 1
Nowadays, public libraries have less convenient than computer technology so people are borrowing books from libraries which are lower in the past, but I strongly agree that maintaining public libraries is not beneficial ways for people or government. First of all, most people have less time to borrow books at the library because computer technology has developed to easily for people who are busy to find a research from books. As a result, the number of visitors had lowest and there is some high cost of expenses such as electricity, staff members’ salary or the rent of the space. In addition, Schools or Universities have changed methods to teach by using computers, tablets or e-books because teachers can send information from a website on the internet, sending to students before or after the classroom so some can download and read any content in their smart phone that they want. Finally, some books or magazines might be boring and not engaging for people due to the internet have more interesting and easier to find such as BBC online or Bangkok Post online. However, public libraries have some advantages for children or adults, especially some families have not computer access with internet that is available for students because the computer is very expensive and they may not be able to afford at home. Moreover, the books and magazines in the library are guaranteed by written so it can reduce some misinformation from research. To sum up, computer technology has more usefulness for this modern era, so it is comfortable for people to save time, flexibility or abundant options to read.
Nowadays, public libraries have less convenient than computer technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are borrowing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
from libraries which are lower in the past,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that maintaining public libraries is not beneficial ways for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have less time to borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
at the library
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
computer technology has developed to
easily
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are busy to find
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
.
As a result
, the number of visitors had lowest and there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
high cost of expenses such as electricity, staff members’ salary or the rent of the space.
In addition
, Schools or Universities have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
methods to teach by using computers, tablets or e-books
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
information from a website on the internet, sending to students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
or after the classroom
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
can download and read any content in their smart phone that they want.
Finally
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
or magazines might be boring and not engaging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to the internet have more interesting and easier to find such as BBC online or Bangkok Post online.

However
, public libraries have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
advantages for children or adults,
especially
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families have not computer access with internet
that is
available for students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the computer is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
expensive and
they may not be able to afford at home.
Moreover
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and magazines in the library
are guaranteed
by written
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
misinformation from research.

To sum up, computer technology has more usefulness for this modern era,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is comfortable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to save time, flexibility or abundant options to read.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The maps below give information about a school site in 2004 and the planning of the same school in 2010 v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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