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The number of subscribers paid for fixed telephone lines and cell phones in Africa from 1994 and 2004. v.1

The number of subscribers paid for fixed telephone lines and cell phones in Africa from 1994 and 2004. v. 1
Most of the people like to play sports as it helps to maintain health and others having sports as their hobby. Some people have started to give more importance to the Olympics in the recent years. In my opinion, it would expand the popularity and make entire world healthy. To begin with, in the past some part of the country having no idea about some sports as they were only playing their traditional sports. But, the advancement of the technology in the 21st century using Television person can get an idea about the sports that has been played in different part of the world. For example, The Olympics is the one of the most important sports event in which all participants from different country take part in different event and they provide the stage to show their ability in a particular, sport. As a result, it creates awareness among the entire world and they give importance to the sports as well. Secondly, these types of sports also provide the player a good prize as if they won the game. Consequently, these sports were well known in the entire world so player can become a celebrity and person from different country want to meet them and make them their ideal. For instance, One of the Tennis player from India, who belongs from a very small village of India, is known to the entire world because of her skill, the name of the player is “Sania Mirza”. At last, the Olympics are considered as a one platform for the player who can succeed in their career and become a famous. In Conclusion, every player can be judge by the competition and Olympics provides that environment. It helps player to achieve life goals and others to play sports, so they live a healthy life.
Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to maintain health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as their hobby.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to give more importance to the Olympics in the recent years. In my opinion, it would expand the popularity and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
healthy.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of the country having no
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as they were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
playing their traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, the advancement of the technology in the 21st century using Television person can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
that has
been played
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
part of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
.
For example
, The Olympics is the one of the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
in which all participants from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
country
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
event and
they provide the stage to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
their ability in a particular,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
.
As a result
, it creates awareness among the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
world and
they give importance to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
as well
.

Secondly
, these types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
also
provide the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
prize as if they won the game.
Consequently
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
were well known in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
can become a celebrity and person from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
different
country want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them their ideal.
For instance
, One of the Tennis
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
from India, who belongs from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
village of India,
is known
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
entire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, the name of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
is “
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sania
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mirza
”. At last, the Olympics
are considered
as a one platform for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
who can succeed in their career and become a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
.

In Conclusion
, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
can be
Consider using a past participle here: "judged".
judge
by the competition and Olympics provides that environment. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
to achieve life goals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
to play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a healthy life.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay The number of subscribers paid for fixed telephone lines and cell phones in Africa from 1994 and 2004. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
301 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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