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The map illustrates the changes that have occured in Templeton, a sidesea resort, over a 10 a year period beginning in 1990 and ending in 2005. v.1

The map illustrates the changes that have occured in Templeton, a sidesea resort, over a 10 a year period beginning in 1990 and ending in 2005. v. 1
Education is considered as a most important mean of being successful in life. However, this is not the only way to grow. In my opinion, education is very important, but people can improve their lives by focusing on other skill sets. First of all, this is very normal in many countries of the world that children will grow and at the age of 3, he or she will join the school for studies, but gradually, teachers and parents understand his/her interest and level in studies. Although, everyone around the child wanted him to get prior knowledge before going into practical life, but due to lack of knowledge of real life difficulties or his interest in something else, he cannot focus on studies. If elders of the child can understand his attraction toward another field, this will definitely will help him to make his career in that profession. For instance, if someone is crazy about playing cricket, it will be better to send him to the academy than school, so that he can pursue his professional career at a very young age. In addition to that, if a child is not good in studies, parents and teachers should analyse this and help him to learn some skill. However, this will not be an easy decision for mentors, but there are many examples available in the world where people focus on their skill rather than education and they become very successful. For example. Marc Zukerburg, the founder of Facebook who did not complete his degree, but he is one of the most successful people in the world. Moreover, if a person is not following the prevailing path in the world and wanted to do something different. It is very important to have certain qualities to achieve success in an unorthodox way. Most important things are determination, patience, focus and above all love what you are doing. These traits will help him to grow in his profession. In conclusion, failure in school does not mean that people cannot become successful in Life. Academic background could certainly improve a person's chance of achievement, but it is not the only reason for being successful. There are many important factors such as hard working on a regular basis.
Education
is considered
as a most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
mean of being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
However
, this is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to grow. In my opinion, education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
by focusing on other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, this is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
normal in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries of the world that children will grow and at the age of 3, he or she will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
the school for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
gradually
, teachers and parents understand his/her interest and level in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. Although, everyone around the child wanted him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
prior knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
going into practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
due to lack of knowledge of real
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
difficulties or his interest in something else, he cannot focus on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
. If elders of the child can understand his attraction toward another field, this will definitely will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
his career in that profession.
For instance
, if someone is crazy about playing cricket, it will be better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
him to the academy than school,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that he can pursue his professional career at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
In addition
to that, if a child is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
studies
, parents and teachers should
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
this and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
.
However
, this will not be an easy decision for mentors,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
examples available in the world where
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
focus on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
rather
than
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
education and
they become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
.
For example
. Marc
Possible spelling mistake found.
Zukerburg
, the founder of Facebook who did not complete his degree,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he is one of the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the world.

Moreover
, if a person is not following the prevailing path in the world and wanted to do something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
to have certain qualities to achieve success
Consider replacing "in an unorthodox way" with the adverb for "unorthodox"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an unorthodox way
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
things are determination, patience, focus and
above all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
what you are doing. These traits will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
him to grow in his profession.

In conclusion
, failure in school does not mean that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
cannot become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Life
. Academic background could
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
a person's chance of achievement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
reason for being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
successful
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
factors such as
This expression is normally spelled as one or with hyphen.
hard working
on a regular basis.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The map illustrates the changes that have occured in Templeton, a sidesea resort, over a 10 a year period beginning in 1990 and ending in 2005. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
372 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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