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Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for childrevn How far do you agree or disagree? ? ? ? v.1

Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for childrevn How far ? ? ? v. 1
Television is a very accessible media for everyone which provides a wide range of information as well as entertainment to its viewers. Its users come from either the adult or younger. While there are many people believe that the programs in television have value for all its viewers, the others argue that children are an exception. Due to several reasons which I will explain in this essay, I do agree with the former opinion. To begin with, some Indonesians feel afraid on many kinds of programs shown on television like a high number of cartoon films which tend to show violent actions. However, it does not mean that this is the only one sort of programs which are provided. There are others very useful programs like child traveller named Si Bolang which is broadcasted by one private television station in in my country. This program provides information regarding many cultures owned by this nation that are very useful to familiarize the young generation toward their nation. Furthermore, another TV plan that is intended to be addressed to children can be highly supporting their skill development like toddler cookery program called Child Master Chef. It is highly valuable to stimulate a youth to learn such kind of profession which is potential to bring them into their future success. Therefore, it is clearly seen that TV set plan has a big value to the child viewers. In short, television curriculum is a very good media to educate children regarding their nation as well as a particular interesting profession. Thus, it can be concluded that children can get tremendous values from television programmes.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Television
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
accessible
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "medium"?
media
for everyone which provides a wide range of information
as well
as entertainment to its viewers. Its users
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
from either the adult or younger. While there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
have value for all its viewers, the others argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are an exception. Due to several reasons which I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in this essay, I do
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former opinion.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Indonesians feel afraid on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
shown on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
like a high number of cartoon films which tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
violent actions.
However
, it does not mean that this is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one sort of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which
are provided
. There are others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
like child
Possible spelling mistake found.
traveller
named Si
Possible spelling mistake found.
Bolang
which
is broadcasted
by one private
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
station
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
my country. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
provides information regarding
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
cultures
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owned
by this nation that are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful to familiarize the young generation toward their nation.

Furthermore
, another TV plan that
is intended
to
be addressed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can be
highly
supporting their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
development like toddler cookery
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
program
called Child Master Chef. It is
highly
valuable to stimulate a youth to learn such kind of profession which is potential to bring them into their future success.
Therefore
, it is
clearly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that TV set plan has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
value to the child viewers.

In short,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
curriculum is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "medium"?
media
to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regarding their nation
as well
as a particular interesting profession.
Thus
, it can
be concluded
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tremendous values from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
television
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that television programmes are of no real value for childrevn How far ? ? ? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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