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The map below is of the wtown of Garlston. A new supermarket (S) is Planned for the town. The map shows possible sites for the supermarket. v.1

The map below is of the wtown of Garlston. A new supermarket (S) is Planned for the town. The map shows possible sites for the supermarket. v. 1
Nowadays, The world has suffered from a lot of problems like environmental issues, terrorism, poverty, disease etc. At that time the good bond with other countries are becoming more important than ever before. I completely agree with this point. Firstly, the good relationships with the different countries which become a profit on the import and export market. If both the countries agree on this, it will affect the many things which can buy from outside the country. This will be profiting from both the side of views like coffee, vegetables, oil and many more. Secondly, From the good relationship with countries, they build their several branches of the brand for another country to make their profit. Moreover, the sectors like jewellery, clothes, electronic sector, automobile sector are open to attract many people for their enjoyment and status too. Recently. "KIA" which is a Korean company launches those cars in India and suddenly the market of these car's gonna high in India and this affect the profit for them. Also, from that the employment rate increases. Furthermore, This relationship will highly impact on the environment issues like flood, cyclone, bush fires etc. These all are natural disaster and from these sometimes very dangerous effect for the country. Recently, while Australia was surrounded by fire in the jungle. Approximately, around 40-50 percentage of land was covered by this disaster and so many animals have lost their lives. Therefore, The India, UK, US and other countries help them to reunite their nation again. To conclude, these some issues like poverty, environmental issues, employment and so on are manageable if the countrie's relations are good. I am totally agree with this statement that the at the present time relationship among countries is more important than ever before. I agree with this.
Nowadays, The world has suffered from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
problems like environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, terrorism, poverty, disease etc. At that time the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
bond with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are becoming more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I completely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with this point.

Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationships
with the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which become a profit on the import and export market. If both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
on this, it will affect the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
from outside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This will be profiting from both the side of views like coffee, vegetables, oil and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more.

Secondly
, From the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, they build their several branches of the brand for another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
their profit.
Moreover
, the sectors like
Possible spelling mistake. 'jewellery' is British English.
jewellery
, clothes, electronic sector, automobile sector are open to attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for their enjoyment and status too. Recently.
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
KIA
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
which is a Korean
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
launches those cars in India and
suddenly
the market of
Did you mean "this car" or "these cars"?
these car
's gonna high in India and this affect the profit for them.
Also
, from that the employment rate increases.

Furthermore
, This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
will
highly
impact on the environment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
like flood, cyclone, bush fires etc. These all are natural disaster and from these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
effect for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Recently, while Australia
was surrounded
by fire in the jungle. Approximately, around 40-50 percentage of land
was covered
by this disaster and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
animals have lost their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.
Therefore
, The India, UK, US and other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to reunite their nation again.

To conclude
, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
like poverty, environmental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
, employment and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on are manageable if the
Possible spelling mistake found.
countrie
's relations are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
. I am
totally
Consider using a past participle here: "agreed".
agree
with this statement that the at the present time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
relationship
among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
agree
with this.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The map below is of the wtown of Garlston. A new supermarket (S) is Planned for the town. The map shows possible sites for the supermarket. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
297 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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