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The map below is of the town of Garlsdon and shows two possible sites for a new supermarket. v.1

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon and shows two possible sites for a new supermarket. v. 1
These days, with the advancement in the fields of science and medicine, modern humans have done many innovative things. Treatments for most of the dangerous diseases have been discovered. For example, from the start of the 20th century about 95% of the total population is free from malaria. However, many people argue that human health may get degraded in the future. This is true to some extent and this essay I provide some details on this. Firstly, most of the modern health issues are related to the technological advancements in the last decade. What I mean by this is that with the rapid growth of industrial sector and traffic congestions, many harmful gases are being released into the atmosphere resulting in diseases that are unknown to the humans in the last century. For example, In the history, people have faced many deadly disease outbreaks, which took some time to get tackled. In this way, in the future people can create some health issues due to rapid urbanization. In addition to this, change in the food habits, can also be the reason for a decrease in the standard of human health. It means that people nowadays, are interested in having fast food meals in their daily routines, which can result in health issues related to obesity and heart attacks. For Instance, the obesity rates have grown since the early 20th century and they are likely to be continued in the future. Furthermore, the modern world has experienced a remarkable migration of people to different corners of the world. This can result in transportation of diseases which are unknown to a particular region and can result in the outbreak as they have no immune power to those health issues. Turning on the other side of the argument, due to the modern improvements in the medical field, there is a huge chance of predicting a disorder well before its existence, like predicting the heart attack by analysing heartbeat. So, there is a huge probability of humans discovering all the medical issues during the child birth and taking effective measures to reduce them. Nonetheless, it is very difficult to control pollution and food related issues as they should be controlled by both humans and governments. To sum up, although current medical society is very innovative and advanced, there are many areas which are unknown and undiscovered. Though there are high chances of medical improvement in the future, it is our responsibility to keep our body clean. In conclusion, there are high chances of decline in health in the future due to unknown disorders and harmful pollutants.
These days, with the advancement in the fields of science and medicine,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have done
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
innovative things. Treatments for most of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
have
been discovered
.
For example
, from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
of the 20th century about 95% of the total population is free from malaria.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
degraded in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
. This is true to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent and this essay I provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
details
on this.

Firstly
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
are related
to the technological advancements in the last decade. What I mean by this is that with the rapid growth of industrial sector and traffic congestions,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
harmful gases are
being released
into the atmosphere resulting in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
that are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unknown
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
in the last century.
For example
, In the history,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have faced
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deadly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disease
outbreaks, which took
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
tackled. In this way, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can create
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
due to rapid urbanization.

In addition
to this,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in the food habits, can
also
be the reason for a decrease in the standard of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It means that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays,
are interested
in having
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food meals in their daily routines, which can result in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
related to obesity and heart attacks.
For Instance
, the obesity rates have grown since the early 20th
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
century and
they are likely to
be continued
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
world has experienced a remarkable migration of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
corners of the world. This can result in transportation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
diseases
which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unknown
to a particular region and can result in the outbreak as they have no immune power to those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues.

Turning on the other side of the argument, due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
improvements in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
field, there is a huge chance of predicting a disorder well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
its existence, like predicting the heart attack by
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
heartbeat.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, there is a huge probability of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
discovering all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
during the child birth and taking effective measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
them. Nonetheless, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to control pollution and food related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
issues
as they should
be controlled
by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

To sum up, although
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
society is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
innovative and advanced, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas which are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unknown
and undiscovered. Though there are high chances of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
, it is our responsibility to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our body clean.
In conclusion
, there are high chances of decline in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
future
due to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unknown
disorders and harmful pollutants.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay The map below is of the town of Garlsdon and shows two possible sites for a new supermarket. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
432 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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