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The chart below shows the different types of goods and services purchased online in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom in one year. v.1

The chart below shows the different types of goods and services purchased online in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom in one year. v. 1
It is thought by many that, in order to learn to read, children must use only printed materials. Others, however, think, that the internet offers, more updated, colourful, interactive and environmentally friendly materials, therefore I believe that only online tools should be used to teach. On the one hand, people that support printed materials believe this is the best option because no screen is needed to learn, providing a more traditional way of learning. For example, painting the letters of the alphabet on paper and then finding them in a storybook can be an excellent pedagogic strategy, and in addition, make children stay away from technology for a few hours a day. On the other hand, the first reason online materials are believed to be better is that they are continuously evolving and updating to children's needs and interests. Many web pages, for instance, have short stories related to the most popular cartoons watched on television at the moment. Another reason is that the internet offers interactive and colourful interfaces that attract boys and girl´s attention effectively. Some web pages, in like manner, have games with interesting content to learn essential reading skills. In addition, when children learn from these sources, there is less production of waste from paper and fewer trees are cut to make books for kids. In conclusion, whereas books and workbooks are a pedagogic and screen-free tool to learn, they are often outdated, less environmentally friendly, attractive or interactive than online resources. Therefore, schools should provide, in my opinion, only digital material for children to learn to read.
It is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that, in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to read,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
. Others,
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
, that the internet offers, more updated,
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
, interactive and
environmentally
friendly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
,
therefore
I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
online tools should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to teach.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that support printed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
believe this is the best option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no screen
is needed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, providing a more traditional way of learning.
For example
, painting the letters of the alphabet on paper and then finding them in a storybook can be an excellent pedagogic strategy, and
in addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay away from technology for a few hours a day.

On the other hand
, the
first
reason online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
materials
are believed
to be better is that they are
continuously
evolving and updating to children's needs and interests.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
web pages,
for instance
, have short stories related to the most popular cartoons
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
on television at the moment. Another reason is that the internet offers interactive and
Possible spelling mistake. 'colourful' is British English.
colourful
interfaces that attract boys and
The character between 'girl' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "girl’s" (curly apostrophe) or "girl's" (straight apostrophe).
girl´s
attention
effectively
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
web pages, in like manner, have games with interesting content to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
essential reading
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
In addition
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from these sources, there is less production of waste from paper and fewer trees are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
books for kids.

In conclusion
, whereas books and workbooks are a pedagogic and screen-free tool to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
, they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
outdated, less
environmentally
friendly, attractive or interactive than online resources.
Therefore
, schools should provide, in my opinion,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
digital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
material
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to read.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The chart below shows the different types of goods and services purchased online in Australia, Canada and the United Kingdom in one year. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
262 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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