Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for thetown. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v.1

The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for thetown. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 1
Over the years, gender equality on Television-sports networks have been imbalanced. I believe this trend has its own reasons; however, I strongly believe that female athletics should be given more broadcasting time. Although gender equality has come a long way, including UNESCO’s recognition of sport and physical activities as a human right in 1978, the gender equality in sports still has not come far enough, especially in TV productions. In my opinion, there are two main reasons leading to this issue. First of all, male’s sports always get more attention from the audience; therefore, TV producers have a wider strategy to display men’s games on their channels. Accordingly, these programs earned more media coverage and sponsorship dollars. Secondly, some people have an argument that “women’s sports are not interesting enough. ” Even though the popularity of women’s sports is growing, some still believe that “No matter how toughened a sportswoman may be, her organism is not cut out to sustain certain shocks. ” Take last July’s Women’s World Cup soccer final for example. It was the most watched soccer matches—men’s or women’s—EVER in the US with nearly 25. 4 million viewers. Yet the players were far less compensated than their male counterparts However, I would like to mention two reasons why we should give more attention towards women’s sport show. Firstly, the more women figures playing sports, the more female audiences get inspired and practice exercises regularly. It could bring a long-term effect on women’s health and contribute to a healthy lifestyle in the community. Secondly, everyone should be given the same chances to be whatever they want to be. There should be no disparity in sports, nor in the workplace, nor in life. Genders should not be the thing to define us or inhibit us from performing our talents. In conclusion, the dominance of men’s athletics on television has been economically beneficial for the show producers and well-fulfilled the demand of the mass viewers. Thus, for the long-term development of a healthy lifestyle and equal right for both genders, the producers need to arrange a balance broadcasting schedule for both genders.
Over the years, gender equality on Television-sports networks have
been imbalanced
. I believe this trend has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
reasons;
however
, I
strongly
believe that female athletics should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
more broadcasting time.

Although gender equality has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
a long way, including UNESCO’s recognition of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
and physical activities as a human right in 1978, the gender equality in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
still
has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
far
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
,
especially
in TV productions. In my opinion, there are two main reasons leading to this issue.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, male’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more attention from the audience;
therefore
, TV producers have a wider strategy to display
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s games on their channels.
Accordingly
, these programs earned more media coverage and sponsorship dollars.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have an argument that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
“women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
are not interesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
. ”
Even though
the popularity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
is growing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
still
believe that “No matter how toughened a sportswoman may be, her organism is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
out to sustain certain shocks. ” Take last July’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Women’s
World Cup soccer final
for example
. It was the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
soccer matches—
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s or women’s—EVER in the US with
nearly
25. 4 million viewers.
Yet
the players were far less compensated than their male
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
counterparts


However
, I would like to mention two reasons why we should give more attention towards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
.
Firstly
, the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
figures playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, the more female audiences
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
inspired and practice exercises
regularly
. It could bring a long-term effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women’s
health and contribute to a healthy lifestyle in the community.
Secondly
, everyone should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the same chances to be whatever they want to be. There should be no disparity in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
, nor in the workplace, nor in life. Genders should not be the thing to define us or inhibit us from performing our talents.

In conclusion
, the dominance of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
’s athletics on television has been
economically
beneficial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
producers and well-fulfilled the demand of the mass viewers.
Thus
, for the long-term development of a healthy lifestyle and equal right for both genders, the producers need to arrange a balance broadcasting schedule for both genders.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay The map below is of the town of Garlsdon. A new supermarket (S) is planned for thetown. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts