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The man expresses his opinion about the changes in the registration procedure. Report his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for having that opinion. v.1

The man expresses his opinion about the changes in the registration procedure. Report his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for having that opinion. v. 1
Workplace quotas have been suggested for some time now, in an attempt to encourage gender equality in the workforce. The idea provokes strong arguments, which I will consider here. On the one hand, it can be said that quotas would allow women to enter traditionally male professions, ranging from surgeon to airline pilot. This, it is argued, would expand the pool of people available to do these jobs, and reduce inequality between the sexes. Furthermore, supporters of quotas claim that the procedure would encourage women into the workforce generally, thus increasing family incomes and improving the standard of living of many people and families. The other side of this debate is that gender quotas may simply be unenforceable in practical terms. This is because the number of women who wish to be (for instance) airline pilots or surgeons appears to be substantially lower than the number of men. This being the case, it would appear to be impossible to enforce a quota in many areas. A second point is that a quota should logically work for both genders, and thus men would have to be employed in traditional female roles such as primary teaching or nursing. Again, we would find ourselves asking men to take on jobs which they are not inclined to do. A final point is that the reduction of inequality should start at an early age, with equality of qualifications, career and life choices, rather than being enforced retrospectively by employers or the state. To conclude, it appears that the aim of these quotas is admirable, but they are unworkable in realistic terms due to the differing wishes of the existing workforce. A longer-term and the more thoughtful programme is surely needed.
Workplace
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
have
been suggested
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, in an attempt to encourage gender equality in the workforce. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
provokes strong arguments, which I will consider here.

On the one hand, it can
be said
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
women to enter
traditionally
male professions, ranging from surgeon to airline pilot. This, it
is argued
, would expand the pool of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
available to do these jobs, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
inequality between the sexes.
Furthermore
, supporters of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
claim that the procedure would encourage women into the workforce
generally
,
thus
increasing family incomes and improving the standard of living of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and families.

The other side of this debate is that gender
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
may
simply
be unenforceable in practical terms. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the number of women who wish to be (
for instance
) airline pilots or surgeons appears to be
substantially
lower than the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
. This being the case, it would appear to be impossible to enforce a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
areas. A second point is that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quota
should
logically
work for both genders, and
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
would
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be employed
in traditional female roles such as primary teaching or nursing. Again, we would find ourselves asking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
to take on jobs which they are not inclined to do. A final point is that the reduction of inequality should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at an early age, with equality of qualifications, career and life choices,
rather
than
being enforced
retrospectively
by employers or the state.

To conclude
, it appears that the aim of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quotas
is admirable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they are unworkable in realistic terms due to the differing wishes of the existing workforce. A longer-term and the more thoughtful
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
is
surely
needed.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The man expresses his opinion about the changes in the registration procedure. Report his opinion and explain the reasons he gives for having that opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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