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Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. Discuss both points of view and give your opinion. v.1

Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. v. 1
From past to now, television is one of the most popular social media sites for most families. Obviously, watching TV affected people’s development when they were a child. Although there are some benefits from watching it for younger viewers, but in my view, I think that TV has a negative influence on children by two main reasons. First of all, some types of programs can have a harmful effect on children’s emotional and behavioural expansion. Police stories and action movies contain violence factor. The characters kill together with guns, knives, so on. By seeing this, some children became frightened because they think that these acts will happen in their real life. Moreover, these things save clearly in their mind and they might do it again. As a result, they can hurt themselves as well as the others. Second, the TV set can impact children’s schoolwork. After school, self-studying is very important by doing homework. And children may neglect the study if they spend too much time for watching it. In addition, if children stay up late to watch night movie, they may fall asleep in class the next day. Consequently, they may get behind in their homework and they could fail in school. Third, the boob tube may impair children’s reading ability. Reading is very necessary for the progress of brain processes, especially in first 5 years. Furthermore, knowledge is almost contained by books, and reading ability is the only way to learn. If children watch it for too many hours per day, they don’t have a chance to practice this skill and learn how to read. To sum up, if children watch small screen too much as well as watch wrong programs, their personalities and growth can be affected. Therefore, their parents should check all the programs which they are watching and take appreciate what suitable programs for their ages. Besides, parents should set time for watching appropriately and turn off it when they study.
From past to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, television is one of the most popular social media sites for most families.
Obviously
, watching TV
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s development when they were a child. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits from watching it for younger viewers,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in my view, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that TV has a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by two main reasons.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
types of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
can have a harmful effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
emotional and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behavioural' is British English.
behavioural
expansion. Police stories and action movies contain violence factor. The characters kill together with guns, knives,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. By seeing this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
became frightened
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these acts will happen in their real life.
Moreover
, these things save
clearly
in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
mind and
they might do it again.
As a result
, they can hurt themselves
as well
as the others.

Second, the TV set can impact
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
schoolwork. After school, self-studying is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
by doing homework. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
may neglect the study if they spend too much time for watching it.
In addition
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay up late to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
night movie, they may fall asleep in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
the
next
day.
Consequently
, they may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
behind in their
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homework and
they could fail in school.

Third, the boob tube may impair
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
reading ability. Reading is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
necessary for the progress of brain processes,
especially
in
first
5 years.
Furthermore
, knowledge is almost contained by books, and reading ability is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to learn. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it for too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours per day, they don’t have a chance to practice this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
and learn how to read.

To sum up, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
screen too much
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
, their personalities and growth can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
.
Therefore
, their parents should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
which they are watching and take appreciate what suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
programs
for their ages.
Besides
, parents should set time for watching
appropriately
and turn off it when they study.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays, people believe that governments should invest taxpayers money in healthcare, others believe that money should be use in other areas. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
326 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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