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Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school Do the advantages of this outweighs its disadvantages v.32

Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school Do the advantages of this outweighs its disadvantages v. 32
Today, a number of students get part-time work while going to university. In this essay, I will discuss both upsides and downsides of being employed in a part-time job, including the ideas how adolescents can obtain work experience beforehand and the problems with maintaining work-life balance. Overall, I think the benefits outweigh drawbacks. On the plus side, by working part-time, students can get a multitude of benefits. First of all, they can earn enough income to support themselves or their family. Not only this, but also early employment can help adolescents to obtain money management skills and be financially aware from a very young age. As a result, it could be easier for them to avoid debts in the future. Furthermore, students can acquire work experience which will add credibility to their CV. In most cases, employers hire applicants who have previous work experience, as these students have already had knowledge of workplace ethics and company culture, it will be quite beneficial for them to get an occupation in the long-term. One obvious negative side of working on a part-time basis is that students ‘coursework can be distracted because of workload. They might find it challenging to tackle difficult subjects as well as manage their time. In other words, they cannot spend enough time studying or doing leisure activities. Moreover, they can face health problems, particularly, fatigue due to heavy amount of work. By the way of example, according to a survey, students who are part-time employees reported that they usually were suffering from extreme tiredness which is a common disadvantage of working part-time. To conclude, weighing up both sides of the argument, although part-time student workers have some minor difficulties in balancing work and study, the fact that the advantages of part-time working are more predominant and worthwhile.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
while going to university. In this essay, I will discuss both upsides and downsides of
being employed
in a part-time job, including the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
how adolescents can obtain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience beforehand and the problems with maintaining work-life balance.
Overall
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the benefits outweigh drawbacks.

On the plus side, by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a multitude of benefits.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they can earn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
income to support themselves or their family. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
early employment can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
adolescents to obtain money management
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and be
financially
aware from a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age.
As a result
, it could be easier for them to avoid debts in the future.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can acquire
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
credibility to their CV.
In most cases
, employers hire applicants who have previous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
experience, as these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have already had knowledge of workplace ethics and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
culture, it will be quite beneficial for them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an occupation in the long-term.

One obvious
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on a part-time basis is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
‘coursework can
be distracted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of workload. They might find it challenging
Did you mean "tackling"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'challenge' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to tackle
difficult subjects
as well
as manage their time.
In other words
, they cannot spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time studying or doing leisure activities.
Moreover
, they can face health problems,
particularly
, fatigue due to heavy amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. By the way of example, according to a survey,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who are part-time employees reported that they
The adverb 'usually' is usually put after the verb 'were'.
usually were
suffering from extreme tiredness which is a common disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
part-time.

To conclude
, weighing up both sides of the argument, although part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
workers have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
minor difficulties in balancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and study, the fact that the advantages of part-time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
are more predominant and worthwhile.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school Do the advantages of this outweighs its disadvantages v. 32

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
299 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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